I Am My Own Knight
by pasmosa
Summary: Lily Evans didn’t need a knight in shining armour. What she needed was a man with the depth and nerve to stand by her side through everything from school rivalries to combating YouKnowWho. And if he captured her heart as well...that wouldn't be so bad.
1. Kiss and Tell

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter. The lovely JKR is the genius behind all of that._**

**Chapter One: Kiss and Tell**

He was an excellent kisser. There was simply no denying it. Lily Evans was pinned between his firm body and the rough stone wall and she felt like the luckiest girl in the world. His hands massaged her hips and she moaned helplessly into his hot mouth. Why had she waited so long to go out with this glorious boy? Why hadn't she realized what she was missing? He growled low in his throat and his kisses trailed down the side of her neck, heating up her body in the most beautiful way. Lily released his collar and wove her fingers into his dark hair, revelling in the fires that were spreading all the way to her toes.

"Do that again, Richard."

He chuckled softly and proceeded to suckle her earlobe before returning to her neck. "Do you have to go to that stupid meeting?" Richard mumbled into her skin.

"Mmm." Lily's mind was too detached to answer right off. She dragged her fingers over the top of his shoulder, her brain struggling back to proper consciousness.

"If you stay," he added, "I promise to make it worth your while."

"I'm sure." She would prefer to stay in his temping arms forever. "But I have to go."

"No you don't." His tongue teased the skin of her shoulder, goose bumps flitting over her arm in response.

"Can you imagine if I left James Potter to run the meeting by himself? It would be a total fiasco." Lily tried to straighten up, but Richard let his head fall onto her shoulder as he snuggled her against his chest.

"Can we at least take up tomorrow where we left off?"

This was always where they seemed to leave off…or at least in some reasonably similar situation. Richard Bowman had never made any secret about his affections for Lily, and had pursued her openly throughout their sixth year. He was Ravenclaw's great Quidditch star and maintained a level of popularity that rather enhanced his looks and style. Lily fielded a fair number of dirty looks from Ravenclaw's female population (as well as from Gryffindor's Quidditch team) when she finally succumbed to his entreaties for a date during the previous spring. The first kiss sealed the deal; their lips were positively made for each other, and it would be cruel to keep them apart.

But life is cruel at times, and Lily needed to get to her meeting.

Richard volunteered to walk Lily upstairs, and he managed to find several detours along the way that involved dark corners, heated whispers, and lots of toe tingling. By the time Lily managed to slip into the correct classroom, she found it full of bored Prefects who all turned in unison to look at the late-comer. James was drumming his fingers on the table at the font. As casually as she could affect, Lily strolled up to the front of the room. She noticed James' pointed look at her chest and glanced down. She slapped a hand over the open button and discreetly fastened it before she turned to face the room. If she didn't know better, her face was as red as her hair and her voice was going to squeak with embarrassment if she didn't calm down.

"Sorry I'm late," she whispered to James.

He swallowed hard and nodded before he looked back at the Prefects. "So. Halloween."

James picked up where he'd left off discussing Halloween decorations, and Lily took a deep breath as she scanned the room. Several Prefects were still smirking in her direction. Lily caught the eye of her dorm mate, Sara Danson who shook a lock of her own hair at Lily. Lily blushed again as she realised that, considering Richard's affinity for her hair, she must look a mess. She smoothed her hair back behind her ears while James took down the names of the people volunteering to help Professor Flitwick with decorating the Great Hall.

"What else did McGonagall want us to cover?"

Lily twitched in surprise when James addressed her. "Oh. Um…Hang on." She pulled a crumpled piece of parchment from her pocket and smoothed it out on the table. "Point deductions and quiet times in the common rooms," she read aloud. "Plus this museum thing."

"We've already talked about the quiet times. You want to take the museum and point deductions?" he asked.

"Sure." Lily scanned the notes that she'd scrawled after her chat with McGonagall earlier that week. "Museum… right. Well…um…let's see. Dumbledore has arranged for the Myrtle Maeve Museum of Magical Materials to present a special showing of artefacts in Hogsmeade in the Spring." Very few of the Prefects looked even remotely interested. Lily carried on resolutely. "They will be showing a bunch of old stuff including the Map of Perdita, Hadrian's Hammer, and the Brand of Aidan."

Lily looked back to her audience just to in time to see Severus Snape snap to attention.

"They're going to have the actual artefacts?" he asked.

"That's my understanding." She looked at James for confirmation, but he was too busy eying Snape suspiciously.

Alan Guard, Gryffindor's sixth-year Prefect, leaned out of his seat to get a good look at Snape. "You don't want to miss the exhibit, Snape," he called out, "I've heard they've got a set of your pants on display – the dirtiest ever known to Wizard kind."

The Prefects erupted in giggles and laughs, including a few of the Slytherins, while Snape gestured rudely towards Alan. When James saw Lily's expression, he made every effort to hide his amusement.

"Anyway," Lily said, "the exhibit means an extra Hogsmeade day for everyone who wants to go, so I guess most of you will be there too. What we need is someone to volunteer to make up some notices about it for the boards."

The prospect of extra time in Hogsmeade was sufficient to produce a few volunteers and James marked their names down with his list of Halloween decorators.

Lily re-examined her list from McGonagall. "Moving on to points. Yes. Apparently there's been a lot of confusion about who's allowed to deduct points and from whom, so Professor McGonagall wanted us to review all of the rules and clear up any questions you might have. Basically, Prefects can deduct points from other students, but every point deduction must be logged with your Head of House by the end of the week for approval, or the points will be credited back to the house they were taken from. You can't take points from other Prefects…"

"Or from the Head Students," James added.

"But if you think that a Prefect, or even the Head Boy," here Lily looked directly at James, who winked at her, "is acting inappropriately, you can report it to their Head of House. Questions?"

Lily pointed to a stuffy looking girl in the first row. "Go ahead, Sonya."

"Last week half of the point deductions I made were credited back, even though I logged them all correctly. How are we supposed to have any influence on the student body if the Professors are just going to credit back all of the points we take off?"

"Excellent question." Lily knew, based on confidential revelations from McGonagall, that Sonya Dearborn had been taking her new role a bit too seriously, deducting points from students for things like eating dinner with their elbows on the table, or for ascending the stairs without holding the hand rails.

"First," Lily explained, "it's important to make sure that you're only deducting points for actual misbehaviour – breaking of school rules. There are lots of things that I'm not allowed to do at home, for example; my Dad won't allow me to talk on the telephone past 10 pm, or even wear lipstick – he thinks it makes girls look cheap." Lily noticed after she'd spoken that Sonya was wearing a great deal of light pink lipstick. "But," she continued, "that doesn't automatically mean that those things are against the rules at Hogwarts. For anyone who is finding that their deductions keep getting credited back, I would recommend taking a copy of your log sheet and comparing all of the reasons for your deductions to the school rules. The Prefect's Pocket Companion has a good, easy to read, summarisation of the rules, but the full listing is available from Filch."

Lily motioned to a wiry Slytherin boy with his hand up. "I think the Gryffindor Prefects have been taking too many points off of the Slytherins lately for no good reason."

"That's a matter of opinion, isn't it?" James said. "Intimidating other students and insulting their heritage is hardly good behaviour."

"That would cease to be an issue," said Snape, "if the Muggle-lovers were finally cleared out of the castle."

A few people snickered, but James stood quickly, leaned over the table, and pointed his wand at Snape. "You'll shut your mouth if you know what's good for you. And that goes for the rest of you as well." He glared at the Prefects who'd enjoyed Snape's comment, and they averted their eyes.

Lily tugged on James' sleeve and drew him back into his chair. He wasn't going to convince anybody to forget their prejudices by shouting at them.

"Look. Gryffindors take a lot of points off of Slytherin, and Slytherins do exactly the same to Gryffindors. The professors have been crediting back a lot of those points every week." And McGonagall had been giving the Head Student a lot of grief over it, too. "I really shouldn't tell you this," Lily said carefully, "but Prefects used to be able to add points, once upon a time, but they didn't handle that very responsibly so the privilege got taken away."

"They got to add points?" someone exclaimed.

"It isn't widely known, but Prefects used to give their friends points for things like having good hair days and finding creative ways to cheat in class. But if we were to have a really good crop of Prefects, they might change it back, so that's a good incentive to make sure all of your deductions are valid. They would never let us add points if we can't even take them off properly."

At that point there was a great deal of excited chatter about The Prefect's Pocket Companion and plans for partners to test each other on the finer points of the rules.

"Adding points?" James leaned over to whisper to Lily. "Where did you come up with that?"

Lily grinned wickedly. "Didn't you know?"

"They're going to kill you when they find out you just made that up."

"So what? If it gets McGonagall off of our backs, I think I can handle a few Prefects."

James considered that carefully for a moment before he smiled and nodded his approval.

"Can you think of anything I've missed?" Lily asked James softly.

"Nah. I think we're done. Most of us have been here for almost an hour, you know."

"Thank you for that fine observation. Would you please get them to all shut up?"

James grinned and stood from his seat. "Oi!" Twenty-four pairs of eyes snapped up to James. "Our lovely Head Girl wants your attention."

The twenty-four pairs of eyes turned to Lily while James sat down. "Well…" She wanted to shrink down under the table in front of all of that unwavering attention. "Does anybody have any questions that are more important than getting out of here?"

Nobody spoke, but most everyone grinned.

"Go on. Get out, then!" James waved his arms at the door and the rush to leave ensued.

While the stampede pushed through the doorway, James and Lily straightened the desks and threw away a few scraps the Prefects had left behind. The corridor was quite empty by the time they started off towards Gryffindor Tower.

"So nice of you to join us tonight, by the way. I was beginning to think we wouldn't have the honour," James told her.

"Glad to know you appreciate the gift of my presence."

"You know what?" James crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "You'd better take this job seriously, Evans. I have worked too hard to get here to have you ruin it all by messing about and setting a bad example."

Lily rolled her eyes. He was repeating, almost word for word, the idiotic speech she'd blasted him with on the first day of school.

"And," he wagged his finger, "you'd better believe me when I tell you that if you don't pull your act together and behave yourself the way a Head Student should, then I will have no problem bringing it up with McGonagall every chance I get." James gave her a very stern look, but the smile twitching at his mouth rather ruined the effect.

Lily deserved the ribbing, and she knew it. At least he'd waited until they were alone to start, though. "So what if I was a little late to one Prefect meeting? It's not like you weren't handling it capably."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, my dear – at least not tonight, anyway. Not when you walked in thirty minutes late looking like you've just had your brains snogged out behind the pumpkin patch."

"Behind the pumpkin patch? Ick. It's all dirty out there."

"What? And snogging Bowman isn't dirty?"

"Well, it would be if _you_ tried it."

James froze in the middle of the corridor with a horrified look on his face. He clutched his stomach and doubled over with loud retching noises that seemed to come all the way from his toes.

"Are you done yet?" Lily tapped her foot.

He looked up, grimacing through the thick black hair that had fallen into his face. "I had to purge that image from my system."

"He's really good, you know. You've no idea what you're missing."

The retching commenced again; James was on his knees when he finally stopped. "I'm sorry," he croaked out, "but you've really got to stop talking about that."

"If you don't want to hear about Richard's phenomenal kissing skills, then I guess I can save it for the girls." Lily shrugged with an air of indifference and strolled on down the corridor.

He gave final shudder and wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. "Please do."

As James adjusted his glasses and jogged up beside her, Lily wiped the amused smile from her face.

After a moment, James spoke quietly. "Hey, I wanted to tell you," he said, "I'm sorry about that junk Snape was saying back there in the meeting...about Muggle-borns and all that."

"It's alright. It's not like he said anything I haven't heard before." She'd heard it many times before, as a matter of fact, and it never seemed to be less hurtful.

"That doesn't make it alright," he insisted.

"Thanks." Lily felt suddenly awkward, and avoided looking at James as they entered a hidden stairway leading towards the seventh floor. "I don't know what's with Snape this year," she said. "He's always been sort of icky and rude to me, but now he's just more, I don't know…"

"Evil?"

"Yeah. I don't know if you ever noticed this, but he always used to work near me in Potions, and we'd talk about the assignments sometimes. But he never does that anymore, and he insults me every chance he gets."

"I've noticed." Frowning, James pulled a tapestry aside for Lily to pass underneath. "I've noticed a lot of other things, too," he added. "I think something happened to him over the summer."

"Something bad?"

James shrugged. "I'm still working on it."

"Are you, now? Well, have fun. I've got enough work of my own to do without worrying about Severus Snape."

"Tell me about it." Sighing loudly, he rubbed his fingers through his hair. "At least you don't have three detentions to do as well."

"If you weren't always late to class," Lily said, smug, "you wouldn't have those detentions either."

"Oh, and who was late to the meeting tonight? Hmmm?"

Lily pursed her mouth. "You don't think McGonagall will find out I was late, do you?"

"She will if I tell her."

"Like you would do that." If James was anything at all, Lily knew he wasn't a snitch.

"Maybe not," he added slowly, "but I can't speak for the Prefects. You know you'll be a gossip point over breakfast."

"Yes, well, they'll get over it. Besides, I wasn't that obvious, was I?"

James raised his eyebrows and said nothing. He wouldn't meet her eye. Heat crept into Lily's ears. It had been completely obvious what she had been up to. She was never going to live this down. The Prefects would never respect her, and McGonagall was sure to hear about it. Nothing but walking into class starkers could top such utter mortification.

James spoke the password and held the portrait of the Fat Lady open for Lily to enter the common room first.

"I'll see you later, James." Lily hurried towards the girls' dormitory. On the way, she grabbed Georgina Craft by the back of the robes and hauled her to her feet, half-dragging her up the dormitory stairs.

Beginning with the Welcoming Feast back in their first year at Hogwarts, Georgina Craft and Lily Evans had been the best of friends. To look at them, the girls were as opposite as could be; Lily was fair and freckled with straight-as-a-stick red hair, while curly haired Georgina carried her Indian mother's rich, dark colouring. At eleven years old, Lily entered Hogwarts small and shrinking, while Georgina was loud and commanding. Both girls were born to Muggle parents, however, and both longed with all their hearts to be welcomed into the world of magic. Through the years the girls tempered one another's personal traits - the pushy became more constrained, and the timid more assertive – while their affection for one another grew. And so it was, quite naturally, that when feeling distressed, Lily sought out her most sympathetic confidante.

"Alright. What's the deal?" Georgina grunted and trudged into the room, setting her hands on her hips and wagging her head demandingly. "I'd just about talked that bookish little fifth-year into researching my Transfiguration essay for me. Now I'm going to have to start all over."

Lily groaned and threw herself onto Georgina's bed, burying her face into the pillow. She rolled over and stared into the red canopy. "George," she said calmly, "I'm going to kill myself. You can have all of my clothes. Just let Sara have those green shoes she likes, and please write a nice letter of condolence to my father."

Georgina rolled her eyes. "He would kill you for leaving him alone with Petunia, so suicide really isn't an option for you." She turned away from Lily and picked up a comb, attempting to unscramble the mass of dark curls trailing over her shoulder. "If it would make you feel better to give me that suede mini skirt, though, be my guest. I'll take that ruffled silk blouse too, while you're at it."

"I just made a complete fool of myself in front of the Prefects."

"Oh, well, that's nothing new, is it? You do that all the time. I mean, they've completely forgotten all about that time you sneezed and got your quill stuck up your nose, haven't they?"

"I went to see Richard before the meeting. He made me late and I walked into the room without looking myself over first."

"Oh, really?" Georgina's smirking reflection was visible in the mirror. "What happened?" she asked. "You didn't go in with lipstick on your collar, did you?"

"My blouse was a little unbuttoned and my hair was tangled up."

Georgina snorted and covered her face.

"Don't laugh!" said Lily. "It was horrible. They all kept smirking at me. And James kept staring at my chest. Even after I got it buttoned up."

Georgina snorted again, and began to shake. "You didn't totally flash them your bra did you?"

"My shirt wasn't that far undone. Although James might have seen something when I walked up – he would have had the best view, and he looked a little bit startled."

"I'll bet he loved that. Look, I'll do some damage control if you want." She turned away from the mirror and waved her comb at Lily. "What kind of spin should I put on it? I could say that during your off time you're a wild sex goddess. That should give you a good boost on the popularity meter. At least with the boys anyhow." She must have noticed the horror spreading over Lily's face, as she changed tactics rather abruptly. "Or we could suggest that you were ruffled up a bit while defending some first years from Peeves."

"Hey. Yeah! That would be good."

"And I suppose we should say he threw a big stick at you and gave you that nasty bruise on your neck."

"Bruise?" Lily crawled off the bed and leaned into the mirror. "Oh, no." A rather obvious hickey coloured the side of her neck. "We can hide this, can't we? A little make-up… or maybe a concealment charm?"

"Calm down." Georgina was back to combing her hair. "You know Sara's the glamour wiz. She'll fix you up in the morning before breakfast."

Lily plopped back down onto the bed and rubbed her hand over the spot on her neck. "And this afternoon started out so good."

"It's not the end of the world having people know that you snogged your boyfriend."

"It's still embarrassing."

"You just have to decide if Richard Bowman is worth it."

Rubbing her eyes, Lily fell backwards onto the bed and sighed. Her mind drifted back to that empty classroom, lingering over the way his lips felt on hers, the way his voice melted her will, and the way his gentle caresses lit up her nerves like there was no tomorrow. Oh, to be back in his arms again. "He's definitely worth it." And she couldn't wait to take up where they'd left off.

_Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading.Pleasereview to let me know what you think! Feel free to visit my Live Journal or private message me to discuss anything you'd like. _


	2. Knight in Rusty Armour

Chapter Two: Knight in Rusty Armour 

Herbology the next day was a complete and utter waste of Lily's precious time. She growled to herself as she hustled up through the castle. As if she didn't have enough to do between homework assignments, preparing for NEWTS, and keeping up with her Head Girl duties, Professor Sprout had the nerve to make them transplant Bobotubers to get them ready for the fourth-years. And seemingly to make up for the fact that she hadn't really taught them anything during the lesson, she'd assigned twice as much homework as usual.

Lily swung by McGonagall's office to drop off a copy of the latest schedule of Prefect duties, and grumbled under her breath as she hustled up to the tower for a quick wash before dinner.

No sooner had she burst out from behind a tapestry into the next corridor, than Lily felt a chill up her back. Something wasn't right. She turned around to find five Slytherins staring her down with uncharacteristic amusement.

There was no reason for them to be up in this corridor, so close to Gryffindor Tower, but Lily was hesitant to say anything. If they had been any other students, Lily would have had no qualms about sending them down to dinner. These students, however, were a little different. They were a mix of sixth and seventh year boys with whom Lily had a rather sour history.

If she said anything at all, it wasn't going to be pretty, and she was rather heavily outnumbered. Before she could make up her mind about how chicken she really was, the boys took matters into their own hands.

"Look what we have here. If it isn't our own little resident mudblood." Severus Snape looked her over with an evil smirk.

"And look how dirty she is." A pimple-faced sixth-year took a mocking step away from her. "I knew mudbloods were filthy, but I thought she'd at least know how to wash."

"You don't have any business in this part of the castle," she told them with the most authoritative voice she could muster. "Head down to the Great Hall now, and I won't report you."

"Of course." Snape threw up his hands in mock respect. "We'll hurry down straight away. Don't worry about us." He waved the group towards the stairs like a crowd of children.

Lily turned to hurry away towards the tower, hoping against hope that would be the end of it, when a spark by her ankle made her jump. Her books toppled to the ground and she spun in place, gripping her wand in front of her. The Slytherins' laughter rang through the corridor. They had no intention of following Lily's instructions.

A wiry haired sixth-year aimed an unknown spell at her. "Protego," she whispered. It bounced back to the boy. He fell to the ground with a shout and great quantities of hair sprouted from his nostrils, quickly covering him with a small furry mountain. His friends looked at Lily, all traces of humour wiped from their faces.

"You'll pay for that," Snape ground out.

"I'll pay for him trying to hex me?" Lily asked, astonished. "I don't think so. Ten points from Slytherin for trying to hex the Head Girl. It'll be fifty once I'm done talking to McGonagall about this."

"Do that. And find out how pleasant we can make your pathetic life at Hogwarts."

Lily was afraid, but she was determined not to show it. "Oh, look at little Snivellus," she sneered, "trying to talk like he's all big and bad around the castle."

Bang! Lily sent up her shield against a flying curse, but she wasn't prepared for the next one. She felt herself snatched by the ankle and hoisted towards the ceiling, accompanied by hysterical laughter from the group below.

"Nice knickers, Evans!" someone shouted. "I never knew you mudbloods wore granny pants. But then again, I guess nobody would ever want to look at them."

Lily flailed her arms helplessly, trying to cover herself, and wishing with all her might that she hadn't dropped her wand. Quite unexpectedly, she slammed shoulder first into the floor. Lily scrambled for her wand and swung around to face the boys, still crouching on her knees.

"Oh, dear," the pimple-faced boy cried out. "She'd going to threaten to report us again."

Snape glared down on her. "Do you really think that I'm afraid of anything you could do to me, Evans?"

The tapestry beside her fluttered and Lily's heart soared when she looked up to see Gryffindor back-up in the form of Sirius Black stepping into the corridor beside her.

"I'd wager you're afraid of me, though, aren't you Snivellus?" he said.

Snape recoiled visibly and hissed in disgust.

Not breaking eye contact with Snape, Sirius took Lily by the elbow, pulled her to her feet and nudged her behind his back. She peered around his shoulder, wand at the ready.

"You'll pay for this when you're least expecting it," Sirius said, "and I swear that if you ever bother Evans again, James and I will hunt you down and take you apart like a pig sent to the butcher."

"Big words for a pansy blood-traitor."

Sirius shot a spell at the insolent boy by the wall. They boy jumped several feet back and raised his own wand.

Snape grabbed his arm to stop him. "Let me. Black has a lot more coming to him than a few text book curses will clear up."

"Ooh, I'm so scared, Snivelly," he sneered. "You lot clear out now, before you hurt yourselves."

Snape's eyes narrowed, and Lily was sure he was about to launch some horrible curse their way. She tried to move out from behind Sirius to give herself a clear shot, but he pushed her back, gripping her arm painfully.

A gagging noise erupted from the boy buried beneath a mountain of nose hair. In the split second that the Slytherins were distracted by their mate's suffocation, Sirius yanked Lily back through the tapestry and led her at a sprint through the passage. They tore through the next corridor, past McGonagall's office, and up to a rusty suit of armour that jumped aside when Sirius kicked it in the shin. They slipped inside the hidden nook and the armour jumped back into place just in time to hide them from the angry boys on their heels.

The hiding space was tiny and cramped, and Lily couldn't imagine why it existed at all. At that moment, however, she didn't really care. A horrible pain was pinching her side and she could barely breathe for trying to gasp air as quietly as possible. She couldn't remember the last time she'd run so hard.

The Slytherins seemed to have realized that Sirius and Lily couldn't have gone far, and they were opening every door along the corridor. She was sure they were going to be found out. Sirius slapped his hand over Lily's mouth to stifle her pitiful wheezing when footsteps approached the suit of armour. Someone tapped the armour with his wand and muttered an assortment of passwords. Unsuccessful, he shuffled off to follow the voices of his friends down the hall.

Sirius peeled his fingers away from Lily's face. "Are you crying?" he whispered, rubbing his damp fingers with his thumb. The light was dim, but it was enough for her to register the horror on his face.

"Of course I'm not crying. My eyes just water sometimes," she said. "It's an allergic reaction to being humiliated."

"Poor baby." He wiped at her cheeks. "I'd offer you a handkerchief, but I'm not gallant enough to carry one."

"I'm fine." She tried to move her face away from his hands, but found out that there wasn't much space to move at all. In fact, Lily realized that she was in rather closer proximity to Sirius Black than she could ever remember being before. He was unexpectedly warm.

"How do we get out of here?" Lily asked.

"Just sit tight for a minute. I want to make sure they aren't coming back this way."

"What is this place?"

"There's a secret passageway behind us, but we've never figured out the password to enter it from this end."

"It's cramped in here."

Sirius tilted his head towards her ear. "That's the best part about this spot." His hands found their way to her waist.

"Eww. Get off of me Black."

"Sorry, dear. Not enough room. And do keep your voice down. We are hiding, don't forget."

Lily blessed the dim light for hiding the colour burning in her cheeks. There was something undeniably attractive about finding herself in a dark space, wedged up against a handsome man who'd just saved her skin. She desperately needed to distract herself.

"Why are we hiding anyway?" she asked. "Since when do you run away from Severus Snape?"

"Let's get something straight." He met her eyes, nose to nose. "I am incredibly brave, not incredibly stupid. We were outnumbered two to one."

"And you didn't trust me to be able to duel." That was the only explanation for the way he'd kept shoving her to the back.

"I didn't know how much they'd hurt you before I got there. Besides, James would have had my tail if I let them curse you."

"I wasn't hurt."

"When I walked in you were crouched on the floor. You must be hurt somewhere."

"My shoulder will be a little bruised from when they dropped me from the ceiling, but other than that I'm fine."

"From the ceiling? They didn't pull that Levicorpus thing on you did they?"

Lily nodded and sucked on her teeth. Her eyes were prickling again and she looked down.

Sirius swore softly. "I should have known Snape would be low enough to do that to a girl. I'm sure they had a good laugh over it."

That horrible reminder was the last straw for Lily. She choked out a sob and started to really cry in earnest. It had all been so humiliating. Sirius pulled her fully against his chest and patted the back of her head in what she presumed was supposed to be a comforting manner.

"We'll get him back," he told her. "Don't you worry. Snivellus knows he's toast. Just wait until James hears about it."

"Oh no, Sirius. Please don't tell him! Don't tell anybody. It's too embarrassing."

"I can't promise I won't tell James, but I won't tell anybody else. I swear."

Lily sniffed and hoped her nose wasn't dripping too much on Sirius' robes. She wiped at her face. She'd never felt like more of a fool.

"Come on," he said. "I think the dungeon rats are gone." He flicked the suit of armour in the back of the helmet and it jumped aside, allowing them to pass back into the corridor. A handful of third year Gryffindor girls froze in their tracks at the sight of them.

"Is that a secret passageway?" The smallest girl inspected the armour curiously.

"Nope, just a bit of a hiding spot." Sirius smiled and winked at her friends.

"Then why were you two in there? Oh…oh!" The girl covered her reddening face while her friends fought back giggles.

"Yes, dear," Sirius said. "We were enjoying a mad snog before dinner. Now you all just scamper off and don't tell anyone. Alright?"

The girls did scamper off immediately, but Lily held no hope that they wouldn't tell everyone they could about her supposed snog with Sirius Black.

"Why did you have to go and say that?"

"It was just a joke. Nobody important is going to take it seriously."

"Sirius. I have a boyfriend."

He nodded pensively, as though he'd just remembered. "You've been running around with that creep Quidditch Captain from Ravenclaw, haven't you?"

"He's not a creep."

"That's all a matter of opinion. Are you going to stand there glaring at me all day, or do you want to go get your books out of the sixth floor corridor before Filch finds them?"

Lily groaned and jogged after him. It had been a very long day.

Before breakfast the next morning, Lily found Richard waiting for her in the Entrance Hall. He didn't look happy. Lily reached up to kiss his cheek, but he stopped her and pulled her off into an empty room adjacent to the Entrance Hall.

"When I went into the Great Hall a minute ago, Black winked at me. He winked at me! There's only two possible explanations for that: either he's gay or he's been fooling around with my girl. And I seriously doubt he's gay."

Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Are you trying to say that you think I've been cheating on you?"

"I don't know what to think. You didn't come to dinner last night. People kept giving me funny looks, and someone said that you'd been upstairs running around with Sirius Black."

"Oh, those stupid little girls. I knew they wouldn't be able to take a joke. They saw us coming out from behind this suit of armour and Sirius told them we'd been snogging. He's such an idiot."

"Why were you behind a suit of armour with Black?"

"We were hiding from a gang of Slytherins that had been bothering me. It was perfectly innocent." Richard didn't look entirely convinced, and Lily decided to try a softer tactic; she traced her fingers down the length of his tie. "Look, I really like you – I love being with you – and I wouldn't do anything to ruin that. But if you're going to believe a bunch of gossipy kids over me, then maybe you don't like me back as much as I thought you did."

She dropped her arms to her sides, but Richard caught her hands up in his. "Don't say that Lily. Come on and look at me. Would I be so jealous if I didn't like you?'

Lily shrugged.

"I trust you. It's all those other guys around here that I don't trust. I can't imagine anybody not wanting you. I want you all to myself."

"It comes down to trusting me, though. Other boys won't get anywhere unless I want them to."

"I know you're right, Lily. I'm sorry."

"So you believe me then? That nothing happened?"

He nodded and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I'm sorry I've been acting like a prat. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that you're really all mine."

Lily wrapped her arms around his waist and hummed into his chest, smiling. "What can I do to build your faith?"

A warm chuckle emerged from his chest and he held her tightly. "What do you say we skip breakfast and spend some time talking about it?"

"Oh, well, if we'll just be talking, I might as well go on to breakfast."

_Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading. Please review to let me know what you think. Also, feel free to contact me through my live journal or e-mail (see author page.) Happy reading!_


	3. Red Retribution

Chapter Three: Red Retribution 

Starvation was the worst way to go. Lily was sure she could endure any other death with dignity; starvation, however, was another story. She walked out of Potions with a grumbling tummy and a throbbing headache, cursing herself for skipping breakfast in favour of a snog. Granted, once she'd had her fill of lunch, she would probably think it had been a stellar trade off, but as she started up the stairs from the dungeons, her mood was less than pleasant. This hadn't been helped by the fact that, throughout Transfiguration earlier that morning, Sirius had persisted in winking at Richard, and that, over their cauldrons in Potions, he kept up a steady string of suggestive comments aimed at Lily, much to the amusement of nearby students. Richard, however, was not at all amused, and he had darted off after the lesson, claiming he needed to finish his Transfiguration essay. Lily was ready to slug Sirius in the gut if he didn't give it a rest.

Sirius, however, did not appear to recognize the danger that he was in. At the top of the stairs, he sidled up next to Lily and wrapped his arm around her waist. Lily gritted her teeth and pushed him off.

"Hey now. Is that anyway to treat your lover? I heard a few minutes ago that we've been having a torrid affair all week."

"And I'm sure you've done all in your power to convince people otherwise."

"Why should I? I'm rather enjoying this little fling."

"Give it a rest, Sirius." James walked up behind them. "It's getting old."

"Very." Lily tried to hurry ahead of him, but he quickened his pace. She'd just pushed into the Great Hall when Sirius grabbed her around the waist again, in plain view of anybody in the Hall.

"Wait for me, baby," he said loudly. Several students looked around at them.

She pushed him away, scowling. That was the last straw. Lily shot him her best attempt at a death glare and marched towards where Georgina was sitting with a group of girls at the Gryffindor table. James and Sirius sat across from Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew a few seats down.

Lily started piling chicken onto her plate, well aware that the girls' conversation had stopped upon her arrival.

Georgina passed a jug of pumpkin juice over to Lily. "I've been trying to tell them all about your scuffle with Peeves the other night, but they aren't taking me very seriously. They would rather believe you've been snogging Sirius in your spare time."

"Have they really figured it out already?"

All four of the girls froze to stare at Lily. A few seats down, Lily thought she heard a spluttering sound followed by a fork clinking against the stone floor.

"Have you really been?" Sara tried to cover her surprise by picking at the food on her plate. "Isn't that…nice."

"What, snogging Sirius? I wouldn't exactly call it nice. It was all wet and sloppy…a bit like being kissed by a dog, actually."

There was a bit of an explosion a few seats down, drawing their attention. Sirius was staring at Lily with a look of abject horror, and was covered in what appeared to be spat out pumpkin juice. Across from him, Remus held his face in his hands, shaking with laughter; and he wasn't alone – Peter and James were roaring as well.

Lily turned back to her food, self-satisfied. Georgina was giggling into her napkin, but the other girls seemed completely flabbergasted.

"He's really that bad of a kisser?" Kathleen asked in a low voice.

"I don't believe it," Ellie whispered. "Olivia dated him for ages last year, and she was always raving about him."

"Olivia didn't have a lot of experience back then, did she?" Lily replied, intent on carrying her point. She heard some coughing from the boys section, but forced herself not to look.

"I think I'm going to head up to the library," Sara said, standing up. "I want to check over my essay before Divination. Ellie and Kathleen decided to join her, although Lily had the impression that discussing homework was the furthest thing from their minds.

"What did I miss?" Georgina asked. "I feel completely left out right now."

"Sirius is being a royal pain in the worst way. He's got Richard all upset, thinking that I've been sneaking around behind his back."

"Still? I thought you two cleared that up this morning."

"We did. But you saw how Sirius was acting in Transfiguration. He was even worse in Potions, and he just won't leave it alone."

As soon as Sara and her friends were completely out of sight, Sirius slid down the bench close to Lily. "That was low, Evans. Really low. I've been trying to get a date with Sara Danson for weeks, and you just up and told her that I…I…"

"Kiss like a dog?" she offered.

Remus snorted and looked away.

"Shut-up," Sirius ordered over his shoulder. He glared back at Lily. "That was totally un-cool."

"You should have thought of that before you started encouraging stupid rumours about me."

"Can't you take a joke?"

"Not when your so-called jokes get my boyfriend mad at me."

Sirius rubbed his eyes and groaned. "I can't believe you did that."

Lily allowed him to groan and suffer for a moment while she took a bite of chicken. "Tell you what." She patted her lips with the napkin and poured a goblet of Pumpkin Juice. "I'll explain the truth to Sara. But you have to stop bothering Richard and put an end to those rumours."

"Fine. Fine. So it's a truce then?"

James, Remus and Peter slid down the benches as well, apparently to soak up their friend's mortification.

"Aww. Have you two broken up, then?" James asked.

Peter shook his head. "What a shame."

"And I was looking forward to dancing at the wedding," Remus added, settling himself across from Georgina.

"This girl is vicious," Sirius said to James.

"Maybe you'll listen to me the next time I tell you to leave her alone."

"I was only trying to help."

Georgina made a face. "What do you mean you were trying to help?" she asked. "Help with what?"

Sirius turned away from James to look at Georgina and Lily. Both boys had a rather disturbing look of uncomfortable shock on their faces.

Remus jumped in to explain. "Sirius has decided, unilaterally, I might add, that it is completely disloyal for a Gryffindor to date a non-Gryffindor. He's been going around trying to bust up inter-house couples all week."

Lily was outraged. "That's horrible!"

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Sirius said. "But all of you Gryffindor girls are just so delicious I want to save you all for myself and my friends."

"Eww…"

"So your little plan only applies to the girls then?" Georgina asked. "Because I saw Peter holding hands with that Corinne girl from Hufflepuff the other day."

"Oh, well, you know, that's Peter. He can go out with any girl that'll take him without a bribe."

Peter's face coloured and he forced a chuckle while the other boys laughed at his expense.

"You know what Sirius?" Lily shook her head in astonishment. "I didn't think I could ever be so disgusted with somebody. Are you really trying to break me and Richard up on purpose for your sick philosophy?"

Sirius sighed and looked at Lily sadly. "No. You've caught me, dearest. Remus here was just trying to help cover for me. Really, I just don't think Bowman is nearly good enough for you, and it breaks my heart to see you debase yourself like that. I'd do just about anything to see you with somebody more deserving."

"And who's that? You?"

He grinned and wriggled his eyebrows. "That could be arranged. Would you like to try?"

Lily pushed her plate forward and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I think I've just lost my appetite."

"That's the first sign of true love!" He leaned in close to her ear to whisper. "Come on and run away with me, Lily."

Lily pushed him back. "Don't you want to chase down Sara and ask her out or something?"

Sirius settled back into his seat, scowling. "What's the use?"

"It keeps the rest of us entertained, for one."

James nudged Sirius with his elbow and nodded in the direction of the Slytherin table. He smirked and looked back down at his food while the other boys looked over and started sniggering under their breaths. Lily followed their gaze and saw Severus Snape making his way down the long table, accompanied by a distinctive limp. He sent a dirty look in their direction.

"What happened to Snape?" Georgina asked.

"No idea." James gave him a polite wave, smiled, and returned to his lunch.

"Not a clue," Remus echoed.

"It could have been anything," Sirius said, "but the point is that he deserved it, didn't he?"

"Sirius Black, what did you do?" Lily demanded.

"What are you looking at me for? I didn't do anything!"

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Probably because you're smart," said Remus. "But in this case he's telling the truth. Somebody else got Snape this time."

"Oh, well that's disappointing," she said, sighing. "I was going to congratulate you."

"What for?" Georgina asked her. "He's only got a limp. I was going to set the idiot's hair on fire and skewer him on my broomstick, only somebody sent him to the hospital wing first."

"Look at him pushing that little boy out of his seat." Lily stared in disgust. "What a creep."

"Those other Slytherins really seem to like him a lot more this year, though," said Georgina to Lily, as a couple of Slytherins clapped Snape on the back. "He isn't quite such an outcast anymore."

"Slytherins only like people who are extra vile."

"You know, Sirius," James said, "it really wasn't long ago that Lily used to stick up for old Snivellus."

Lily bristled at that. "Only when you lot were being mean to him just for the sake of being mean. But if he deserves it, he deserves it."

Sirius smiled and patted her hand. "I knew you'd see the light one day."

"You did not!" James countered. "Two summers ago I bet you ten galleons and an embarrassing stunt that one day she wouldn't defend him, and you took my bet."

"He's right," Remus said. "I remember."

"I was there too," Peter said. "You told him that Lily was just too nice and that she'd never believe Snape deserved what he got and that James had better stop letting Lily catch him hexing Snape or he'd never get anywhere with her and he said…Oh! Oh!" Peter grabbed his ears, which were quickly sprouting bunches of yellow pansies. "Somebody hexed me!"

"I bet it was that blonde kid over at the Ravenclaw table," James suggested, casually drawing his wand from under the table. "You want me to hex him back?"

"I can't hear you," Peter said, his eyes wide and watery. "My ears are too full of flowers!" Frustrated, he pulled at the blossoms, but they didn't seem ready to budge. "Argh!"

His friends were politely trying to stifle their laughter, but they made no move to help him.

Sirius covered his smile with Lily's goblet of pumpkin juice. "Go on to the hospital wing. Pomfrey can sort you out."

"What?" Peter said much too loudly. The boys snickered even more.

"Come on, mate." Remus stood and pulled Peter up by the shoulders. "Off to the hospital wing. Let's go."

"I think I need to go to the hospital wing," Peter shouted.

Remus nodded at him and looked to the others. "Tell Flitwick I'll be late, will you?"

"Thanks, Remus," James said. "Take your time."

"Don't worry, our Head Boy will cover for you." Sirius waved a silent goodbye to Peter, and then dissolved into laughter as soon as his back was turned.

"That was horrible!" Lily said.

"Yes," Georgina admitted, "but it was kind of funny too."

"Really, there was no call to hex him like that, James."

James snapped to attention. "What makes you think it was me?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay, sure," she said. "I wonder who hexed Peter right when he was talking about James' big embarrassing fifth year obsession with me. What's your opinion, George?"

"It was James," she said, and then speared a carrot on her fork. "I saw him take his wand out of his pocket and slip it under the table just before."

Sirius held up a hand. "Well I vote for the random blonde Ravenclaw."

"So do I…poor kid," James added.

"We'll have to punish him for picking on Pete."

"Would you like to do the honours?" James asked Sirius.

"Why thank you. How generous." And with a flick of Sirius' wand, the boy's hair was a wild shade of Gryffindor red.

Lily and Georgina stared, shocked. "I can't believe you did that! Change him back."

"What for? I think everyone should have red hair. James…" He pointed his wand at James, whose hair lit up in a brilliant shade of red. "Me…" Sirius did the same to his own dark locks. "Lily…oh wait! Lily already has pretty red hair. But George over there…"

Georgina grabbed for her long curls. "You even think about it, Sirius Black, and I swear I will hit you with my Sticky Toe Jam Jinx every morning for the rest of the term."

Sirius clamped his mouth shut, slipped his wand back into his pocket, and nodded respectfully.

Other students began noticing the three new redheads in the Great Hall. There was a great deal of snickering and pointing, and the Ravenclaw who was no longer blonde was seen attempting to get a look at his own short hair. He didn't seem terribly perturbed once he saw James and Sirius sporting the new style as well. In fact, by the time Lily had finished her lunch, several other new redheads had sprouted up around the Great Hall.

James and Sirius made to walk Lily and Georgina to Charms, but they were sidetracked by a trio of second-year students wanting help colouring their own hair. The girls walked on without them, but paused at the doors to look back as James demonstrated a wand movement to one of the second-years.

"They're going to be late to Charms again," Lily said. "Flitwick will give them another detention."

"They know that," said Georgina. "It's just they think detentions are a fair trade off for having fun."

As Lily watched, one of the little boys successfully changed his hair colour, eliciting cheers and high fives all around. James looked thrilled at his small friend's triumph.

"Maybe it is a fair trade off," Lily mused. "Maybe it is after all."

And with that, Lily and Georgina crossed the Entrance Hall arm in arm, each privately formulating ways to persuade Professor Flitwick to excuse the boys' tardiness just once more.

_Author's Note: Thanks for reading! We finally got to see the whole gang together in this chapter - how did it come off? I hope you will review with your comments! Please visit my live journal to chat!_


	4. Friday Night Friends

Chapter Four: Friday Night Friends 

For the Head Girl, late night corridor checks were an inevitable part of life at Hogwarts. As a Prefect, it was possible to get out of them now and then, forcing the Head Students to fill in. But as the Head Girl, Lily couldn't skive off, and felt like she was stuck patrolling the halls every time she turned around. As tedious as it was, filling in for absent Prefects turned out to be a great way to get to know the Prefects better as she patrolled with their partners.

If there was one night, however, when both Prefects were bound to be too sick to make their rounds, it was always Friday night. So Friday nights inevitably found Lily patrolling the halls with James Potter.

"Do you think maybe we should just plan ahead and schedule ourselves for Fridays," Lily asked James on Friday night, "instead of always cancelling our plans to cover for the Prefects?"

"You make Friday plans other than this?"

"Well… yeah."

James seemed surprised. "I just kind of assume that I've got a date with you and the local rule breakers on Fridays. I'm never disappointed."

"So why don't we just schedule it that way?"

"Because, the way we've got it, after a while the Prefects will start feeling guilty about always skipping their Friday rounds, and we'll get an occasional Friday off."

He was right. "And if we scheduled ourselves for Fridays," Lily said, "we would never have a free Friday again."

"Of course, if you're really just angling to get to spend more time alone with me, I'm sure I can arrange a standing date." James gave her a roguish wink.

"There's nothing I look forward to more than wandering around the halls, freezing my nose off, and looking for trouble makers with you."

"I understand completely. It's the highlight of my week."

"Of course it is. We all know that you're madly in love with me."

James grinned. "Would you like to hear my daring plan to murder Bowman and then carry you off into the sunset on my Comet before any of the other guys know you're available?"

"Yes, please. I've got to hear this."

"Sorry. It's top secret. If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Lily nodded in understanding. "Naturally."

"And if I killed you," he added, "then the whole plan would go down the drain anyway."

A combination of laughing and croaking echoed down the corridor to their left, and they turned aside to investigate.

The Transfiguration classroom was dimly lit, allowing them to observe two Gryffindor boys hovering over a tank full of very excited toads. Lily recognized them as a pair of third-years who rather idolized James and his friends.

James seemed amused to catch them. "Trust me, this has been done already."

Both boys spun around, startled. The taller boy tried to hide a wriggling toad behind his back, but it slipped to the floor and hopped wildly about the room.

"We weren't doing anything!" he said.

His friend nodded in vigorous agreement.

The toad hopped around to Lily's ankles and she grabbed him. He looked thrilled to see her.

"You weren't doing anything original, you mean," James said. "Placing Cheering charms on the toads – that's old news." He took the toad from Lily and carried him back to the tank. "Amusing, but it's been done before. Now if you were trying to…say…put a Bouncing charm on the crystal balls in the Divination room, now that would be original – and a challenge."

Lily rolled her eyes; James would never grow up. "That's ten points from each of you tonight," Lily told them, and the smiles drooped from their faces. "Now you two head straight on up to the dormitory. You aren't supposed to be out this late."

The boys nodded and quickly shuffled out of the room. Lily and James stayed behind to set the happy toads to rights.

"James, you know you shouldn't encourage them like that."

"It isn't like they're hurting anybody." He closed the tank and pinched out the candle on the professor's desk. "Besides, Nick is just trying to pull off something amusing to impress the girl he fancies. You can hardly blame him for that, can you?"

Lily shook her head as they exited the room and struck a course towards the fourth floor. "If she's going to be impressed by him, it won't be because of his antics."

"Yes, I've learned that lesson myself."

"Why do you let him go on then?"

"Because he'll insist on learning it the hard way - just like I have."

This thought was much too intriguing for Lily to resist. "Who do you fancy, James? I promise I won't tell."

"I thought we'd already established that I'm madly in love with you."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine. You don't have to tell me. I'll figure it out eventually, you know."

"You think so?"

"Of course I will, now that I've set my mind to it. Girls have a natural ability to identify things like that. Plus you boys aren't any good at keeping secrets."

"You're one to talk! I've known you for six and a half years, and you've never been able to keep a secret to save your life."

"How do you know? You have no idea what secrets I've kept."

James coughed in a bad attempt to hide a laugh. "You're right. You tell me a secret that you've managed to keep, and I'll tell you who I fancy."

"Alright. I'll tell you a secret." Lily thought for a moment, and gave him a sly smile. "I'll bet you didn't know that back when I was thirteen I used to fancy you."

James' eyes popped with astonishment, but he didn't respond.

"Oh, yes," Lily continued, "I was really quite devastated when you asked Marian Wallace to Hogsmeade that year. I remember it was Halloween, and George and I spent the whole feast thinking of horrible curses to give her over her pudding. Of course we were too chicken to actually do anything to her, but it was rather satisfying to imagine her sprouting antennae."

"That would have made her more interesting. I only asked her out as a favour to Sirius, and I'd never been so bored in my life. He had to do my Potions assignments for two weeks to make up for it."

"I wish I'd known! It would have saved me a lot of personal drama."

"I wish I'd known you were pining after me. I'd still have Sirius doing my Potions assignments."

Lily laughed. "No you wouldn't. You barely knew I existed back then. You would have thought it was a great joke if you found out."

"You mean like the way you thought it was such a big joke whenever I kept asking you out in fifth year?"

"Something like that. Except you brought that on yourself, you know - always making such a scene. I was so relieved, in our sixth year, when I found out you were dating Doreen."

James grimaced. "Yes, well, we all saw how well that worked out didn't we?"

Lily gave him a sympathetic frown. "I was so surprised when I heard you two broke up over the summer. You seemed to make a really good couple."

"Yeah, well, that's why we were going out, wasn't it? Because everyone else thought we would make a great couple – but we both knew better from the beginning. We just strung it out too long until it got nasty."

They walked in silence for a moment.

"So how do you know if someone is right for you?" Lily asked.

"You just know for sure, deep down." James glanced over and grinned a little. "Having second thoughts about Bowman, are we?"

"No!" Lily rolled her eyes and laughed. "You wish."

"Very much."

She shook her head. "You guys really don't like Richard, do you?"

"Honestly?"

"Of course."

"Really and truly and you won't hold it against me?"

Lily nodded and grinned, knowing what was coming.

"Can't stand him."

"Not even a little?"

"Nope. Can't even look at him without wanting to gag."

"That's just because of your Quidditch rivalries."

"Not at all. He's just an annoying prat who's been obsessed with trying to beat me in everything from the day we met."

"I don't believe that."

"Alright then, name one thing that I do that Bowman doesn't do too."

"Detentions."

He smiled in acknowledgement. "Ha ha. I meant something that I do on purpose."

"You could avoid detentions if you wanted to."

"Come on. Think about it. He takes all the same courses as I do, and always tries to look at my marks. He plays Chaser on his house team, and before every game he reminds me of how many points we've each scored throughout the season. He tries to be funny…_tries_," he emphasized. "He even knots his tie like I do – and I invented this knot!"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "And he even fancies the same girl you used to like."

"I didn't say that."

"But you were thinking it. Come off it, James. You two just have a lot of common interests. You would probably be great friends if you made any effort. I bet he's just interested in what you do because he thinks you're cool."

"Has Bowman said that?"

"Well, no," Lily admitted. "Actually, he doesn't really seem to like you all that much either, but it isn't as if he talks about you or anything. He's not obsessed. And he only knots his tie like that because I told him I like it."

"You do?"

"It's cute."

James wore a pained expression. "It isn't supposed to be _cute_."

Lily was about to tease him over his cute tie when she paused at the sound of muttering in the library. "Do you hear that?"

James frowned in silent concentration and waved for her to follow him nearer the wall. As they stood quietly, Severus Snape came through the library door. A heavy bag was draped over his back; his wand was held aloft in order to illuminate the pages of an oily book in which his nose was deeply buried.

James cleared his throat pointedly. Glancing up, Snape jumped, dropping his book.

"Library closed over an hour ago," James said. "What were you doing in there?"

"Minding my own business." Snape went for his book, but James stepped on it first.

"I suppose this book was checked out properly with Madame Pince?" he said.

Lily shoved James aside and picked up the book: The Inferius: A Study of Advanced Necromancy. Lily shuddered at the thought.

A double flash made her jump when the boys each fired off a quick spell; the book flew out of Lily's hands and over to Snape. He caught it, but did not look pleased. When he'd summoned the book, James had stolen his wand.

"Lost something, Snivellus?" James flipped the wand between the fingers of his left hand. "I think I'll just have to hand this over the McGonagall. You'll be able to get it back from her in the morning – probably."

"Just give it back to him, James," Lily told him. "We can report him to Slughorn. I think that - "

"Shut-up," Snape growled at her. "Nobody cares what you think."

"Don't you talk to Lily," James said in a low, controlled voice. "You aren't good enough even to look at her."

"Is that so?" Snape sneered. "And which of us has had a look her knickers, then?"

In one swift movement, James had Snape pinned against the wall, forearm across his chest and wand pressed into his throat.

Lily wasn't about to stand by and let the situation get out of control; she placed her hand over James', and gently eased it down, moving his wand away from Snape. "Come away, James," she whispered. "He isn't worth it." She looked at Snape. "Go," she told him.

Without taking his eyes from James, Snape slowly took a step back. "I'll go when and where I please."

James threw Snape's wand away from them. "GET OUT OF HERE!" he shouted. His voice thundered up and down the corridor. Lily still held James by the arm, and she could feel his tension.

A glance at James' white knuckles gripping his wand and Snape seemed to think better of staying. He backed away towards the end of the corridor and crouched to retrieve his wand. Just before rounding the far corner, he contorted his face into the most unpleasant grin that Lily had ever seen.

"The Dark Lord's army will come for Mudbloods and blood traitors first," he said, "and there will be no escape…not even for you, Potter."

A jet of sparks ricocheted from the stone wall. James had torn his arm away from Lily to cast the spell, and would have chased Snape around the corner, except Lily grasped the back of his robes with both hands.

"He's just baiting you. Can't you see?"

James threw Lily a look that was half infuriated and half unbelieving. He said nothing, however, and turned away quickly, pulling hard at his hair and rubbing his nose under the bridge of his glasses as he walked away from her.

The silence weighed heavily between them, but Lily couldn't form anything to say. The bitter feud between James and Snape had started on the first day of their first year at school, and had done nothing but intensify ever since. At one time, James had baited Snape unmercifully, much to Lily's irritation, but she could not help noticing a marked improvement in that area during the last year. If only Snape would make that such an effort.

Finally, James turned back to her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. I just…I don't know. He's…"

"He's a jerk," Lily finished for him. "Come on. Let's call it a night, shall we?" That was enough excitement for one night.

Three flights of stairs and two secret passageways later, they were approaching the entrance to Gryffindor Tower when they met with a surprise.

Professor McGonagall was waiting for them in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Mr. Potter," she said. "The Headmaster needs to speak with you. Come with me, please."

"What did I do?" James asked.

Lily searched Professor McGonagall's face; surely Snape hadn't gone to her about their altercation near the library. But she did not look angry in the least.

James seemed to have picked up on this as well; the colour drained from his cheeks. "Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"Just come along, and everything will be explained." She gave Lily a pointed look. "Good night, Miss. Evans."

Lily had no choice but to go on into the Common room while James followed Professor McGonagall back down the corridor.

_Author's Note: Here was some extended Lily / James time, plus a mysterious bit of an ending. Has anything surprised you so far? Thanks for reading._


	5. Too Much Information

Chapter Five: Too Much Information 

James wasn't around through the weekend, nor was he in classes the following Monday. In fact, when Lily stopped to think of it, even his friends had been keeping pretty much out of sight. When she noticed how glum they looked at lunch on Monday, she started to worry.

Lily squeezed Richard's hand as they wandered up to the Charms classroom. "Have you heard where James Potter is? I haven't seen him in a few days."

"Probably down at St. Mungo's," he said. "I got a letter this morning from my mum. She said that Mr. and Mrs. Potter got really sick after doing charity work with some homeless wizards around Diagon Alley."

"How awful. What do they have?"

"Pogrebin Mumps. Nasty stuff. My mum had a case of it a few years back. Got it off of some orphan kids she was bringing food to. She pulled through alright, but the Potters are a good bit older. I'd imagine they're having a rough go of it."

Lily confirmed the story with Sirius after Charms.

"McGonagall let me go over on Sunday," Sirius told her. "I brought James a change of clothes and made him get some sleep. He's been sitting with them around the clock."

"How are they feeling?"

Sirius looked down at his shoes. "Not so good. Especially his mum. The Healers don't expect her to make it, but James won't hear it. He's beside himself over her."

Lily felt sick to her stomach. "What can I do, Sirius?"

He shrugged. "I wish I knew. I'd be doing it too."

That sick feeling in Lily's stomach didn't dissipate over the following week. She knew too well what it was to lose a mother, and she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy – let alone a friend. As the reports from St. Mungo's became more and more grave, concentrating on her school work became more and more difficult. Nevertheless, Lily was anxious to do her work if only to get her mind off of her depressing thoughts.

The Gryffindor Common room, however, was not always the most convenient place to work. At times it was loud and rowdy and not at all conducive for concentrating. And so it was that on the following Saturday afternoon, Lily collected her books and parchments, her inkwell and her quills, and stalked, irritated, out of the portrait hole and off to the Prefects' lounge where she hoped to make some progress on her Transfiguration essay. At least in the Prefects' lounge, unlike in the Common room or the library, she could order any noisemakers out of the room. As luck would have it, the rooms' only occupants proved to be a pair of quiet Ravenclaws finishing up their extra credit papers by the fire.

Lily selected a low table by a sofa at the far end of the room, which shielded her from view by others, and proceeded to spread out the contents of her bag, delighted to have so much space to herself – a welcome change from the crowded Common room.

By working throughout the afternoon, Lily soon finished her essay on _Immune System Deficiencies in Conjured Mammals_, she drew up a solid outline with her research on the harvesting of Glumbumble Dung, and prepared her recipe for Oblivious Unction that she needed in Potions on Monday morning.

Lily stretched out on the sofa. She still needed to write her Defence Against the Dark Arts essay – it was going to be an interesting one about counteracting potions that used human blood – but she needed to do more research in the library before she could get started. The velvety sofa felt so comfortable, and she was so reluctant to get up, that she decided she deserved to rest. There was always tomorrow to finish off her work.

On the other side of the room, the door opened and, while Lily couldn't trouble herself to look over the back of the sofa, she could hear that someone had entered the room and was settling themselves near to the fire. She had been alone for the better part of an hour and had relished the solitude. Hoping the intruder would be of the quiet sort, she said nothing and allowed herself to drift a bit closer to sleep.

After a short time Lily noticed that a quiet conversation had started by the fire, and it was an unusual one at that. She was about to sit up and see who it was when a startling statement held her back.

"The Dark Lord is angry."

Lily was disquieted by such a comment, but she couldn't discern the owner of the very deep voice. The next voice she recognised with ease.

"Of course he's angry," said Severus Snape. "Any imbecile should know it mustn't be touched with anything but the purest gold. Pearson is a fool."

"Perhaps," said the unknown man. "But he's been sufficiently punished. When we locate another source, you will be contacted. The Dark Lord expects you to accompany us when we make the next acquisition."

"Me?"

"He was pleased with your research and he assumes you will handle the material properly."

"Of course I can handle it."

"Let me warn you; the Dark Lord's patience is wearing thin on this matter. Anyone who causes further difficulties will not answer for it lightly. He won't make allowances for youth. You'd best be prepared to use the Unforgiveable Curses when you're called for this mission."

"I can use them," Snape insisted.

"Good."

There was a tiny pop, and then silence. Lily lay frozen in horror. She didn't dare take a breath lest she be discovered listening in on such a blood curdling conversation.

The door opened and a group of students entered, chatting and giggling.

"There's Snape," one of them said.

"Hey, Slughorn is looking for you," another announced. "He's wanting help with something or other down in his ingredients cupboard. Something about it being a quarter moon and no clouds or something tonight."

Snape didn't answer, but Lily heard the door open and close once again.

"That Snape sure is a friendly one, isn't he?" somebody said, eliciting a series of giggles. When they started in on a round of Slytherin bashing, and when Lily became convinced that Snape had left the room, she peeked over the back of the sofa. An assortment of Hufflepuffs had gathered around the largest table in the room and were spreading a collection of small invertebrates around the table.

"Hi Lily," said Rosalie Hart, a sixth-year Prefect. "I didn't see you hiding over there."

"I think I dosed off," Lily said.

"Oh! I'm sorry if we woke you up."

"No, it's fine. I need to get moving." Lily's heart was drumming and her hands were shaking, but she forced herself to slow down, and took her time about piling her things in to her bag and straightening her clothes. She wanted to make sure that Snape was as far away as possible before she exited the lounge.

She looked both directions in the corridor, like a child crossing the road, and then ran to the safety of the Gryffindor Common room. From there she hurried up the stairs to her dormitory and leapt onto her own bed, drawing the curtains around her, forming her small sanctuary of personal space and security where she could at last allow herself to think about what she had heard.

Severus Snape was talking to someone about Voldemort; was planning to take part in one of Voldemort's evil schemes. It was as terrible as it was unthinkable. She had always held out a firm hope that he wasn't all bad. Even now, Lily hated to think she'd been wrong.

Outside her bed curtains, Lily heard a dull thump followed by a string of swear words. She poked her face out and hissed at Georgina. "Psst. George! Come here, quick."

Georgina was crouched over a trunk and rubbing her knee. Seeing Lily, her eyes darted about the room before walking towards the bed. "Who are you hiding from?"

When Georgina was near enough, Lily grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her onto the bed, shoving the curtains closed behind her.

"_Lumos_." Georgina illuminated her wand and the light revealed her confused face. "What's the deal? Is Bridget Malone stalking you for homework tips again?"

Lily shook her head.

"It isn't Richard is it? If he did something to you I'll hex his guts out. Just say the word."

Lily shook her head again. "It's Snape," she whispered. Georgina scowled, and Lily hurried to explain. "I heard him talking to someone. I think it was someone in the Floo. They were talking about You-Know-Who." This didn't seem to have the effect that Lily expected – Georgina just stared at her with a blank expression. Lily leaned forward. "They were talking about helping him.

That got Georgina's attention. "What do you mean?"

"They were helping him. They said Snape had done some research and that You-Know-Who was happy about it. And they were planning some mission." Lily glanced over her shoulder at her teddy bear. "They're going to use the Unforgivable Curses," she added in a whisper.

Georgina's mouth dropped open. "We have to stop him."

"I know…but how? If he gets wind that someone overheard his conversation, it would be as simple as anything for him to trace it back to me. A whole load of people saw me leave the room after him."

"Tell me everything that happened, word for word."

Lily relayed the conversation for her as well as she could remember, and Georgina was silent for a long time afterwards. Lily could see her jaw working as she concentrated.

"We've got to gather more information, first," Georgina said at last. "Right now, even if you told someone, it would just be your word against his. We need to do a little research of our own. Find something to back up what you heard."

The girls talked late into the night, pooling ideas, suspicions and strategies for discovering what Severus Snape and Voldemort were up to. The best comfort that they could come up with was that Snape couldn't possibly be taking part in a mission of any sort if he was still at school; as long as he was around, his particular part of the plan wouldn't have taken place already. She just hoped he didn't up and disappear one day – then it might be too late.

A while after Georgina had gone to bed, Lily was lying awake, her face pressed into the pillow, when a thought struck her: she needed to talk to James Potter.

James had hinted several times before that he knew something unpleasant about Snape. But James wasn't at Hogwarts at the moment. Sirius was around, however, and if James knew something about Snape, then Sirius would know it as well.

Lily flung herself out of bed and hurried down to the Common room, only to find it empty; she hadn't realised it was so late. Disappointed, she fell back onto a red sofa near the fireplace and pulled a gold cushion against her chest. The fire was nothing but red embers, not quite hot enough to warm her bare feet, and she buried her toes in the bearskin rug. She knew she wouldn't be able to get any sleep until she got some answers.

Sirius was sure to be in his dormitory. What was to stop her from going straight up to the boys' dormitory and asking for him? It wasn't as though she would have to go into their room, and there wouldn't be anyone in the stairway at such a late hour. But then again, with boys, who knew what they did all night? But Lily was the Head Girl, wasn't she? What did it matter if she was seen in the boys' stairway if she had good reason to be there?

Lily had just resolved to go up looking for him, when Sirius himself entered the room from the dormitory, headed for the portrait hole.

She called his name as he was reaching for the portrait. When he saw her, Sirius paused and watched her get up. He didn't say hello.

"Sirius. I wanted to talk to you. I need to find out about something…" Lily trailed off when she noticed he was wearing his heavy cloak and carrying a satchel in his left hand. "Where are you going?" And that was when Lily noticed his red eyes.

"James' mum died today," he said. "I just got the word."

Lily drew her hand over her mouth and her eyes began to well up with tears. "Oh no," she said. "Oh, no, Sirius. No."

He bit his lip and nodded, looking away from her. "It sounds like his dad isn't taking the news really well, either. He's taken a bit of a turn for the worse." His voice broke a little at that, and he still didn't look at her.

Lily reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry," she whispered into his shoulder.

He hugged her with his free arm and breathed a deep breath, fighting for control of himself before he drew back. "Was…was there something you needed?" he asked.

"No, nothing important." She wiped at her tears and motioned towards the portrait hole. "Go on," she said. "James needs you, I'm sure."

Sirius adjusted his cloak over his shoulders and pushed out the portrait, stepping into the hall. "I'll be in touch," he said. And then he was gone.

It was then that Lily started to cry in earnest. Painful memories of receiving the news of her own mother's death were flooding over her and she swallowed hard, trying to manage some measure of control of herself. Losing her mother had been bad enough, and the idea of going through such a loss while her father was in danger too was overwhelming. She could only imagine what James must be suffering.

Shivering, Lily realised where she was and curled up her freezing toes. Worries about Voldemort forgotten, Lily climbed the staircase to her dormitory, intent on waking her best friend and having a good cry with her before trying to catch a few hours of sleep. She managed the cry without effort – the sleep, however, eluded her.

Lily didn't hear anything from Sirius for two days. She'd been pestering Remus and Peter, who assured her that there wasn't any news to tell. On the third day, Remus approached her after breakfast and quietly relayed the message he'd just received: Mr. Potter had passed away as well, and Sirius had taken James home. Lily almost threw up when she heard the news.

On Wednesday, Remus let her know that the joint memorial service would be held on Saturday. As the word spread among the students, the Gryffindor Quidditch team made plans for a small group of students and faculty to attend the service. Lily determined to go with them.

Friday afternoon found Lily and Richard curled up in a corner of a deserted courtyard of the castle. The weather was cold, so they had the courtyard to themselves, and they huddled against a wall in the sunshine for warmth.

Lily had just discovered, to her great disappointment, that Richard would not be attending the Potter's funeral service with her. He had Quidditch practice.

"My mum and dad will be there, though," he said. "They've been friends with the Potters for as long as I can remember."

"I didn't know that."

Richard was intent on enjoying the feel of her neck, a little bit at a time, while they talked. "Mr. Potter used to be a partner in my family's business," he explained, and brushed a lock of Lily's hair up over her ear. "He sold his share to my dad about twenty years ago. He wanted to retire - I guess he didn't think he would ever have a son to pass it on to, and then James came along a few years later." Richard's lips found their way to her ear.

"James was a surprise, was he?"

He hummed his assent. "And they spoiled him rotten for it," he mumbled.

"Do you think so?"

"Oh yeah." Richard tried to undo a button of Lily's blouse, but she pushed his hand away. He sighed and returned to nuzzling her neck. "My mum always said that James Potter had everything in the world but discipline," he added. "I'd say she was right."

"He doesn't have much of anything now."

"Are you kidding?" Richard looked up at her. "His father will have left him vaults full of gold, not to mention that big house, plus their cabin in Godric's Hollow."

Lily untangled herself from his arms and stood up. "If you ask James," she said, straightening her robes, "I imagine he'd trade all of that for one more day with his parents. I know I would."

_Author's Note: Thank you for reading! Please give me some feedback. We learned all sorts of things in this chapter. What do you think? Please visit my livejournal to chat!_


	6. Lost

Chapter Six: Lost 

It was the next morning that Lily and Georgina made their way down to Professor McGonagall's office where they were to meet up with the group that would Floo over to the memorial service. When they entered the office, Professor McGonagall was standing up from where she'd been crouched in front of the fireplace. A handful of Gryffindor students were sprinkled around the room.

Professor McGonagall's eyes fixed on Lily when she turned away from the fire. "Miss. Evans. Come this way, quickly."

Lily hurried across the office.

"I've just received word that you are wanted at the Potter's. If you don't mind, you can Floo to them first, and then travel to the service with Mr. Potter and his friends." She held out a small pot of Floo powder between them.

Without thinking twice, Lily reached for the powder. She couldn't imagine why they wanted her at the house, but she wouldn't think of refusing. In only a few short minutes Lily found herself spinning into the Potter's formal parlour and focusing her dizzy eyes on Sirius Black, curled up in a miserable ball at the end of a long leather sofa. He stood when he saw her.

A steadying hand touched her back while Lily regained her balance, and she looked to her right to find Remus Lupin at her side.

"Thanks for coming, Lily," he said.

Lily nodded and examined their faces. They both looked horrid and Lily wondered how close they had been to the Potters. They were all grieving. "I was happy to come," she said. "I hoped there might be something I could do for you."

Sirius rubbed his face, looking both pathetic and exhausted. "We can't get James out of bed," he explained. "He's refusing to go to the service."

"We think he'll regret it later if he doesn't go," Remus added, "so we tried to force him, but he threw a bit of a fit."

"What kind of a fit?"

Remus turned his face so that Lily could see the beginnings of a bruise blooming under his eye.

Lily grimaced. "Poor thing," she said. "He must be miserable."

"We were hoping you could help."

"What can I do?"

"James listens to you," Sirius told her. "Probably more than you realise. We thought you might talk to him."

"Even if he doesn't come to the service," Remus said, "it would still do him some good if he would open up a little."

She was unsure. "I don't know if James would want to see me."

"You'll try though, won't you?" Sirius looked so hopeful.

Lily nodded. There was no way she could refuse.

Peter was standing…or rather, sitting lookout near James' bedroom door. He reported that since the others had gone downstairs James hadn't made an appearance.

Sirius opened the door and let Lily into the room; she slipped inside and he pulled the door closed behind her. Drapes had been drawn across two large windows, but the sunlight seeping through was enough that she could see well without lighting a lamp. On the bed against the far wall, James lay with his back to her, clad in nothing but his boxers. He didn't move when she entered.

A desk and chair stood near the bed and Lily drew the chair out to sit close by, unsure if James even knew she had entered. She took a slow breath, determined to keep her own emotions in check for James' sake.

Without warning, James spoke up, not looking at her. "Get the hell out of my room," he said.

While she hadn't expected a warm welcome, this was somewhat less cordial than she had hoped. Lily continued to sit, debating what she ought to do, and looked around the bedroom. It was large and well furnished with classic mahogany pieces, all draped in the colours of his favourite Quidditch team. Some untidy robes were scattered about the floor and a polished silver comb lay on the desk. Lily reached out and took it into her hand, briefly wondering if he ever used it before she forced the irreverent thought out of mind. She dragged her fingernail across the comb's teeth and they made a satisfying series of clicks. The sound prompted James to stir, and when he saw Lily sitting nearby he started with surprise and fumbled for the sheet to cover himself.

As he took a moment to study her, Lily decided that she would wait for James to begin any conversation. Lily was certain James knew what he needed far better than she did. She noticed that he was squinting and passed him his glasses from where they had lain on the desk.

Hooking them over his ears, James glanced towards the door and frowned. "I thought you were Sirius."

Lily didn't respond.

"Did he drag you here?" James asked.

"He invited me."

James glared at the door for a moment and then grunted and turned his back to her once again, pulling the sheet up over his head.

Lily went back to inspecting the silver comb, struggling to keep her emotions under control. It would be so nice if she could take a comb like this and pull it though her mind…through James' mind. Just straighten out all of their thoughts and memories and feelings so that they could make sense of them without all the knots. If only it could be that easy.

There was no doubt in her mind that James was in pain – greater pain than anyone deserved – and she had a strong urge to gather him up into her lap like a mother would comfort a suffering child. But Lily wasn't convinced that he would appreciate that, and so she sat very still, only rubbing with her fingertip the smooth edge of the silver comb.

"I'm not going," James said from under the sheet.

"Okay."

He pulled the sheet back and rolled to face her, propping up on his elbow. "Did Sirius send you to talk me into going?"

"You've already made it clear that you're not." She scratched her fingernail down the comb again.

James seemed to be pacified by her reply because he slid back down to the pillow and pulled the sheet up only to his neck. He watched her turn the comb between her fingers.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not sure." She would have given anything to know that herself.

After a few moments, he spoke again. "I remember that you lost your mum last year," James told her.

Lily sucked her bottom lip and nodded, looking sideways at him.

His eyes were narrow. "But you still have your dad."

"Yes I do," she whispered.

"So don't try to tell me that you know how I feel, because you don't."

Lily looked up in surprise. "Don't ever believe anybody who says that they understand how you feel, James."

He raised his eyebrows, but didn't respond.

"Nobody in the world except you knows exactly what you've lost," she explained. "They don't know the relationship that you had with them; the love, the dreams, the time you spent together." Lily rubbed the corners of her stinging eyes, hoping to keep the tears at bay. A glance at James' averted face told her she wasn't the only one. "People used to tell me that they had lost someone, too," she added. "They said they knew what I was going through. But it wasn't just losing a mother. It was losing that special person, that relationship that can never be exactly replicated with anybody else as long as I live. I can never get that back."

Covering her mouth with her hand, Lily squeezed her eyes shut tight, but it wasn't enough. The tears would flow.

When she looked, James had pressed his face into the pillow; his glasses were clutched in his fist. Lily pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at her face, sniffing. She didn't feel at all like an effective comforter and wished she knew what to do for James.

He mumbled something she couldn't understand into his pillow.

"What did you say?"

James turned his head a little to repeat himself. "I'm not ready to say goodbye," he whispered, his voice hoarse.

An enormous lump rose into Lily's throat at that, and her tears increased. "Oh, James, it's so hard, isn't it?"

When he saw her distress, James sat up on the edge of the bed, slipping his glasses back on, and reached out his hand to her. She rose and went to him, allowing him to wrap his bare arms about her waist while she stood beside the bed and cradled his head against her chest.

"I still don't think I've ever really finished saying goodbye to my mum," Lily said. She stroked the back of his neck and pressed her face into his hair.

"But I've at least got to try, don't I?" James said with a soft voice. "They deserve that much." He sniffed and Lily hugged him tighter. "I'm just so afraid, Lily," he admitted. "I've never been afraid like this in my life."

She hadn't the first idea of how to respond to such a personal confession from him; she was touched by his trust and broken hearted over his pain. The right words just didn't exist; she could only hold him closer.

For several long minutes Lily stood, entwined with James, wishing she could help him in some measurable way. She petted his hair and pretended not to notice his tears, while letting her own tears flow unchecked.

At last James leaned back and looked up at her. Lily's hands slid to the sides of his head; she wiped his cheeks with her thumbs and straightened his glasses over his ears. Although he was staring straight at her, his eyes seemed unfocused and he wore an attitude of full defeat.

She rubbed his ears with her fingertips and he blinked, refocusing on her.

"What would you like to do?" Lily asked him. James frowned a little and Lily elaborated. "Do you want to go to the service or would you like to stay home? I can stay with you if you'd like."

Glancing down, James shook his head a little and dropped his hands from her waist. "I'm going," he said.

"I'm glad," Lily said, and rubbed his ears again. "I don't think you'll regret it." She tried hard to smile, but couldn't manage more than a sympathetic grimace. "I'll send Sirius in to help you get dressed, okay?"

James pulled the sheet back up over his shoulders and Lily stepped away from him. She picked up the silver comb from where she had dropped it on the rug and placed it back on the desk.

Once Lily had sent Sirius in to assist James, she followed Remus and Peter down to the parlour where they waited, not speaking, until James appeared on the stairway with Sirius. Lily approached him as they reached the ground floor. James hadn't made any effort with his hair, but he was well dressed. The black robes accentuated the dark pits under his eyes.

"I'm sorry I punched you, Moony," James said.

"Don't mention it." Remus shrugged and pushed his hands into his pockets. "I'm sure I had one coming anyway."

Lily took James' hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. "They're waiting for you at the service," she said. "We're all Flooing over. Why don't you and I go together?"

"Why don't we Apparate?"

"Because we'll all splinch ourselves today."

James closed his eyes and released a long breath; he gripped Lily's hand a little tighter. She led him to the fire and sprinkled the Floo powder into the flames.

They exited the mortuary parlour on the wide lawn. A crowd of wizards and witches stood together under a purple tent a little way off. They turned and whispered amongst themselves as they watched James approach with his friends. He didn't let go of Lily's hand. As they stood before the gaping hole in the grass, Sirius clapped a hand over James' shoulder, and let it rest there until the speaker had finished. James released Lily's hand to walk forward to the edge of the pit while twin caskets were lowered together into the earth. He withdrew something from his pocket - a coin – and examined it, turning it between his fingers, and then dropped it into the hole.

The caskets stopped at the bottom of the pit, and James rubbed his face, stretching his skin, and dug his fingers into his hair. As he began to sway on his feet, Sirius approached him from behind and took him by the shoulder again. James turned to his friend and embraced him. They stood, both shaking with quiet tears, as the other mourners, outsiders, trickled away. Lily stood between Remus and Peter, a little way off, and waited.

_Author's Note: Liked it? Please tell me! Thanks so much for reading, and please visit my live journal or e-mail me to chat!_


	7. Lakeside Retreat

Chapter Seven: Lakeside Retreat 

One Saturday afternoon in early December, Lily spent a little time walking by the side of the lake with Sirius. It was cold and dreary and few students were out. Lily's hands were balled in her pockets and her right hand was freezing. She had lost one of her gloves the week prior during a visit to Hogsmeade. Richard had searched all over for it, retracing their steps through town, but it was nowhere to be found. She worked her fingers against her palm and blew a steamy breath into the winter air.

This chilly walk had been Sirius' idea, and as they meandered along the water's edge, it soon became clear he had invited her out so that he could vent his concerns about James in some measure of privacy.

Following the Potter's funeral service, James had not returned to Hogwarts until after Halloween. And when he did return, he seemed so emotionally absent for such a long time that, in spite of the many allowances she made for him, Lily became quite concerned about his long term well-being. He wasn't the only one she worried about, however. Sirius, for all of his concern for James, was grieving as well – but Sirius was not the object of special allowances or sympathy like James was. Who ever thought to comfort the comforter?

"How many times did he show up for a regular meal this week?" Sirius asked. "Twice! Just two times all week." Sirius waved one hand back and forth while he talked, as though he just couldn't emphasize his words enough. Lily didn't think she had ever seen Sirius Black so agitated. "He barely eats at all, and when he does, he mostly just gets food from the kitchen and eats by himself somewhere. Do you have any idea how much he used to eat? He could out-eat every bloke in our year. But now I'd bet doesn't tuck away half enough to keep a first-year girl alive."

Sirius had been going on in a similar manner for some time. It seemed he had been scrutinizing every aspect of James' daily life.

"We've been trying to give him a lot of room," he said, "to not push him to join in on things, but maybe it's too much. He doesn't want to try at anything at all." He groaned and waved his hand again. "You know he gave up his position as Captain on the Quidditch team, don't you?"

Lily nodded. She had heard, and she'd been disappointed. Not surprised, but disappointed all the same.

"They made him stay on as Chaser though," he added. "They convinced him they couldn't get anybody else. Quidditch practice seems to be the only thing he makes any effort at anymore, and Alan Guard says he's a little crazy in the air. He's been reckless."

"It's probably a good release for him."

"Did you hear about him trying to turn in his Head Boy badge as well?"

"I heard." Lily squeezed her cold fist a bit tighter in her pocket. "Professor McGonagall talked to all the Prefects and told them all to stay on top of their duties so James wouldn't have to pick up their slack anymore. He and I haven't had to walk one patrol since."

"Remus mentioned that," Sirius said. "I wish he did have to walk some rounds if just to get him out of the dormitory. He spends so much time alone."

"I miss him," Lily admitted. "I've barely seen him at all, and when he is around, he won't even talk to me. He just sort of looks at me sometimes, and then he disappears. I never realised how much I liked having him around."

Sirius brushed his nose with his knuckle and looked sideways at her. "Can I tell him that?" he asked, and Lily nodded her assent. "He needs to know he's missed," he added.

A gust of wind knocked Lily's hat askew and ruffled her hair into her face. Sirius stopped walking while she fixed it. She smoothed her hair and tucked it into her scarf, tightening the wool around her neck, and then she pulled her cap on tight around her ears and rubbed her bare fingers. She was slipping her hands back into her pockets when Sirius held something out to her. It was his right glove. She took it from him, and then hesitated.

"Go on," he said, motioning at her hands. He looked away from her while she slipped her fingers inside the glove. Her skin prickled at the warmth his hand had left behind. It was good to be warm.

Sirius stuffed his bare hand – his waving hand – into his pocket. "What should we do about James?"

"Who knows?" Lily shrugged and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to shield her body from the wind. "Just what you've been doing, I guess. Keep telling him that you love him, that there are still people in this world that need him. Give him time."

Sirius grimaced. "Time. The one thing there's never enough of."

Lily laughed a hollow sort of chuckle, not sure if Sirius was aware of how right he was.

Time was so fickle, Lily thought. Whether she wanted it to pass, or wanted to get it back, she was powerless over it. It was a fixed thing, but it was ever changing as well. James had only been back at school for one month; it had passed in the blink of an eye, but it seemed like he had been wearing that stony veil of an expression across his face, and hurting behind it, for as long as Lily could remember.

"Don't look now," Sirius said, "but I think we've got company."

Lily turned around and saw two figures hurrying down the slope towards the lake. They were still a good way off, but it was easy to see who was coming – Georgina, along with Remus Lupin trailing behind her.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Just so you know…I think I've…er… convinced Remus to go out with Georgina the next time she asks him."

"You're kidding." Lily looked up at him, full of surprise. He appeared very pleased with himself. "You shouldn't have done that."

It was his turn to look surprised. "Why?"

"She won't ask him again; she's moved well past Remus."

"What do you mean? She can't do that."

"Sirius. Please. Georgina was completely smitten with the boy for over a year, and he never once gave her the time of day."

"So he has some self-esteem issues." He frowned and waved at the two scrambling down the hill. "Maybe now he's over it."

"Well it's too late now. She's with someone else."

"Who?"

"It's not exactly official yet, but I expect it will be soon. And I'm not really supposed to mention it."

"Who is it?" he insisted.

"Elmer Parsons." Lily cursed her big mouth.

Sirius paused for a moment to stare at her before dissolving into laughter. "That was good, Lily. You almost had me for a minute there. Elmer Parsons! As if…ha!"

She observed his laughter, amused, thinking that it had been much too long since she had seen Sirius enjoy a thorough laugh. It was too bad she wasn't joking about Elmer.

"They were thrown together a lot over the summer," Lily explained, "and she found out she fancied him." The smile drooped off of Sirius' face as he listened. "They're taking it nice and slow, but the feeling definitely seems to be mutual."

Deflated, he frowned and kicked a clump of brown grass. "But Parsons?" He looked up at her. "That dopey short guy in Hufflepuff?"

"Elmer isn't dopey, Sirius. He's not really outgoing, but that's exactly her type, and he really isn't that short."

"How could she pick him over Remus?"

"She did pick Remus, but he rejected her so she got over it and moved on." If only it had been as easy as she'd just made it sound. "She's much happier now than I've ever seen her, you know. I think they're good for each other."

"Honestly…" Sirius gazed out over the lake and grunted. "I don't know what's wrong with you girls."

"Lily!" Georgina shouted across the lawn. "There you are! I've been looking all over." She slowed her stride as she neared where Lily and Sirius stood. Remus caught up with her about the same time that she stopped walking and planted her hands on her hips. "You are never going to believe what that disgusting twit just did to me."

"What disgusting twit?"

"Severus Snape. He exploded my inkpot right in the middle of the library and ruined my Herbology essay. When I told him off he started calling me names, so I hexed him. And would you believe that old bat of a librarian gave me a detention for it?" Georgina crossed her arms over her chest and grinned, looking rather proud of herself. "I got my own back, though, when I nailed him with my best jinx from outside the library door."

"It was good, too," Remus said. "By the time I left he could barely walk. I'd never heard such a string of swear words, and that's saying something. I don't think he knew what hit him."

"Thanks," Georgina said.

Remus smiled at her.

"So anyway," Georgina continued, "Remus followed me out and we got to talking about Snape. It sounds like they have been a lot more successful than we have about digging up information on him – but they've been at it longer than we have. Really, we need to all sit down and get to the bottom of this You-Know-Who business."

"Can we do this indoors?" Lily asked. "I am freezing to death out here."

Sirius seconded the motion, and the small group was soon making their way up the lawn toward the castle. Lily and Georgina, arm in arm, led the way. The girls could hear Sirius and Remus talking in low voices behind them.

"It was completely unprovoked," Remus said to Sirius. "Snape was just picking on her because she's Muggle-born and he wanted to get a laugh from his friends. And I don't think he was aiming for her inkpot either. If she hadn't moved out of the way at the last minute, he probably would have cut open her hand. And then he had the nerve to call her a Mudblood, Sirius. I wish Pince would have come over two seconds earlier."

By the end of Remus' diatribe, Georgina's fingers were locked very tightly around Lily's arm. "Did he have to tell all that?" she hissed in Lily's ear. "I swear – if he's trying to embarrass me he's doing a bang up job of it."

The boys hadn't heard her. "Did Snape see you there?" Sirius asked Remus.

"He did. I helped Georgina clear up her things, and then after she left I Vanished his essay. I was hoping Pince would catch him coming after me, but that was when Georgina jinxed him."

Lily glanced over at Georgina's face; her eyes were wide and she mouthed something at Lily that looked like "Vanished" and "Essay."

Sirius grunted. "Snape will be planning some kind of retaliation, then. We'll have to be careful."

"The girls have some stuff you and James should hear," Remus said. "Georgina was telling me some of it on the way down from the library and it's really big."

"Classified?" asked Sirius.

"Highly. Where should we go to talk it over?"

"The usual place, I guess. Do you know where James is at?"

"In the tower, most likely. Do you really think we could smuggle the girls up there?"

"We should try."

They had entered the castle and were crossing the drafty entrance hall. Lily and Georgina took a few steps up the marble staircase before they turned to face the boys and crossed their arms over their respective chests.

"Where are you trying to smuggle us?" Georgina asked.

Sirius crossed his arms, mimicking their stance, and gave them a mischievous grin. "Our dormitory, of course."

_Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please tell me what you think! I have been answering a lot of questions about this story on my live journal. Check it out if you are interested. Link from my author page._


	8. Female Company

Chapter Eight: Female Company 

Lily was sure she didn't hear him correctly.

Georgina spoke Lily's own first thought: "Excuse me?"

"Our dormitory," Sirius repeated. "It's the only place I can think of where we'll have complete privacy. Unless you have a better idea."

"We can't go up there," Lily said. "What if we get caught?"

"Who's going to catch you?"

"I don't know. Maybe some other student could come in and tell on us."

"Lily, we're seventh-year Gryffindors. Nobody comes in our room without our permission. And even if they did, you could just put on your scary Head Girl face and they would never say a word."

Lily wasn't convinced, but Georgina seemed to be, and without knowing exactly how it happened, Lily soon found herself ushered into the seventh-year boys' dormitory. She wasn't sure she should raise her eyes from the rug. She did look up, however, when a strangled sort of shriek and a thump sounded nearby.

Peter Pettigrew sat straight up in the middle of his four poster bed, his mouth hanging open and a large book, open and crumpled, lay on the floor in front of him. Black ink from an upset inkwell was pooling in the rug.

"What's going on?" James said from the other side of the room. He was sitting in a window seat, partially obscured by the drapes; a worn-looking Quaffle was in his lap and a deep frown creased his face.

"We're having a meeting," Sirius told him.

"Couldn't you do it somewhere else?"

"It's highly classified," Sirius explained. "It has to be here. Besides, would you come if it were any place else?"

James didn't answer and Sirius proceeded to motion Lily and Georgina towards one of the beds, clearing a place for them to sit down.

"Now before we begin," Sirus said, "the vow."

All four boys raised their right hands.

"Forgive us," said Remus said to the girls. "This sounds a bit juvenile, but it must be done. Go ahead and raise your right hands, if you will."

Lily glanced between the boys and then at Georgina. They both raised their hands as well, feeling rather foolish.

Sirius cleared his throat and spoke in a clear, solemn voice. "I solemnly swear on my honour as a Gryffindor, and as a Marauder, that I will protect these secrets at all cost, and that should I betray this sacred trust I will break my wand and drown myself in the Slytherin toilets, never to show my face in Gryffindor Tower again. All in agreement, say aye."

"Aye," the others chorused. They looked at the girls.

"Aye?" Lily said. Georgina said it, too, accompanied by a giggle, and Lily had to bite her lips hard in order to avoid laughing.

"So is this, like, the secret society of Gryffindor boys, or what?" Georgina asked.

"Something like that," Remus said. He pulled up a chair near a desk and opened up a large book where he began to write. "What's the date today?"

"Eleventh of December," Peter answered. He seated himself on the bed facing Lily and Georgina.

Sirius sat down beside him. "So what is this highly classified information that Remus mentioned?"

They looked at Georgina, but she pointed at Lily. "Ask Lily. It happened to her."

Placed on the spot like that, Lily raked her brain for where to begin. "Oh, well, let's see. I suppose you want to hear about the Prefects lounge, then. Alright." Lily folded her hands in her lap. "Well, a while back I was in the Prefects lounge alone when Severus Snape came in. He didn't see me because I was lying on that sofa at the back of the room. I heard him talking to somebody in the Floo." Lily didn't think she had ever seen these boys show so much undivided attention. "They were talking about helping You-Know-Who. The man said that You-Know-Who was angry with someone, but that he was pleased with Snape. They were talking about some kind of mission. They want to get their hands on something, and they want Snape to help them when they find it. And then the man asked Snape if he knew how to use the Unforgivable curses." Lily lowered her voice to a whisper. "And Snape said he did."

While Lily had been speaking, James had drawn closer to the group and leaned against a nearby bedpost, listening with intense concentration. "Did anybody see you in there at any point?" he asked.

"Yes, a bunch of Hufflepuffs came in while Snape was still there. I waited for a while after he left before I showed myself, but the others saw me."

If possible, James frowned even more. "So it's possible he could find out that you overheard."

"That's why I haven't told anyone but Georgina."

Remus was scribbling in the book before him. "Did they give any hint as to what they are trying to get?" he asked.

"I've thought that over a hundred times and I can't figure it out. The only thing they said was that it couldn't be touched with anything but gold. But that could be any number of things."

"Knowing Snape," Peter said, "I'll bet it's some kind of potion ingredient."

"That's what we thought too," said Georgina.

"But that doesn't really narrow it down," Lily added. "All it tells us is that they need whatever it is to be extraordinarily pure."

"How do you know that?" Remus asked.

"Everything an ingredient touches leaves some amount of magical imprint on it; that's what makes potion making so complex at in the higher forms. But pure gold leaves the smallest imprint of all. It's ideal for handling substances that must remain totally pure of external magical influences."

"When did this happen?" James asked.

"Oh a while back." It had been the day James' mum had died, if she was being specific. "Mid-October, I guess."

He looked surprised. "And you're just telling us about it now?"

"There was a lot going on at the time, wasn't there?"

An awkward silence followed, and James looked away, working his jaw.

Remus broke the tension. "We've got to step up our surveillance on Snape."

"You have Snape under surveillance?" Georgina arched an eyebrow in surprise.

"Of course."

Sirius chuckled. "You didn't think we just let the likes of him run around without supervision, did you?"

There was a short rapping on the door and the girls looked at each other in alarm. Lily had a wild thought of leaping under the bed.

"Stay put," Sirius told them. He crossed over to the door, unbuttoning his shirt on the way. He mussed up his hair with both hands and then opened the door just a few inches to look out.

"What?" he barked.

"Um…" a boy's hesitating voice could be heard in the stairwell. "Hiya, Sirius. I wondered if…well you promised to show me some duelling tricks this afternoon."

Sirius leaned his face against the doorframe and groaned. "I forgot about that. Listen Nick, I'm kind of busy right now. Do you mind if we do it tomorrow?"

"Sure, what ever you want."

"Thanks." Sirius started to close the door but Nick spoke again.

"Can I come in and look at that Quidditch play book? James said I could as long as it didn't leave the room."

"Not right now, mate. I told you I'm busy. I've got company…_female_ company," Sirius said, his voice full of insinuation.

Lily thought she could feel the boy blushing all the way though the door. Or, maybe that was Lily's own reddening face.

"Oh!" the boy exclaimed. "Sorry. I'm really sorry, Sirius. I'll leave you alone – well not alone but…yeah. Okay. Sorry. Bye!"

Sirius closed the door and locked it. When he turned to face them, he wore a broad smile. "The truth shall set you free," he said, and began to button up his shirt. Lily tried not to watch.

Georgina, however, was staring at him. "You are really scary sometimes, you know that?" she told him.

Sirius shrugged and slipped back onto the bed, wearing a smug grin.

She shook her head. "Anyway, ever since this…well…incident," Georgina said, "Lily and I have been trying to find out what we can about Snape. We wanted to have some proof before we went to a professor about this, but we haven't been able to come up with anything."

"If we go to anyone without proof," Lily added, "there will be an inquiry and Snape will find out it was me who heard his conversation. He can just deny it happened and nobody could prove otherwise. I don't like the idea of Snape having a special vendetta against me."

Remus looked up from his notes. "So you're looking for proof that Snape is what…working for You-Know-Who?"

"Exactly," Lily said. "James, a while back you were telling me how something happened to Snape over the summer..." Lily trailed off when Sirius, Remus, and Peter all rounded on James with looks of dismay.

"Prongs," Sirius said. "You told?"

"The vow of secrecy was supposed to include girls too," Peter said.

"You told?" Sirius repeated.

"No," James insisted. "I mean, I might have…hinted….but..."

"You can't hint, Prongs. Not even to impress girls. It's the rule."

"Shut-it, Sirius. I didn't tell her anything, okay?"

"You told her enough that she asked about it."

"Lay off, will you," James said. "She doesn't know what happened. She's under the vow now, anyhow. So – "

"So what? She wasn't sworn at the time."

"Forget it, both of you," Remus said, rising from his seat. "Quick huddle!"

The four boys bent their heads together and spoke for several minutes in hushed voices. Lily and Georgina strained their ears to hear while trying to appear disinterested, but Lily couldn't catch enough words to make any sense of their discussion.

When they broke apart, the boys all looked somewhat nervous as they returned to their seats. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, working his fingers together between them.

"Don't forget that you are under a vow of secrecy," he said. "You can't tell anybody about this. Ever." He waited for their motion of assent and took a deep breath. "Over the summer, James and I happened to observe Snape in the company of known Death Eaters. He had all the marks of being roughed up – the bruises, the exhaustion – and he looked really pleased about it. It was like he'd been through some heinous kind of initiation."

"We're pretty sure he joined them," James added. "That he became a Death Eater, that is."

Lily was fascinated. "Where did you see this?"

Sirius frowned. "We can't tell you that."

"Oh!" She glanced between Sirius and James, and decided not to push it. "How did you avoid being caught, then?"

"We can't tell you that either."

Lily frowned and looked at Georgina – she looked disconcerted as well. "Did you tell any adults?" Lily asked.

"We can't," Sirius told her. "They would ask the same questions you just did."

Lily didn't like the sound of this. "Wouldn't it be worth it to just tell them?"

"Not if we'd end up in prison."

"Now who's telling too much?" James snapped.

Lily was stunned. "What did you two do?" She couldn't help but ask.

Sirius smiled at her. "Don't worry your pretty little head about that. We've told you all that we can about it, and you've sworn not to repeat it. Any questions?"

"Sure, but you aren't answering them."

He smiled even more. "Now you're getting the idea. And don't try to wheedle information out of James later on. He can be a bit soft, but – "

"Shut-it, Sirius."

"So, basically," Remus said, "we used to suspect that Snape was one of them, and now we're certain of it."

"What are we supposed to do about that if we can't tell anyone?" Georgina asked.

"We figure out what he is up to on our own," Sirius explained. "We'll step up our surveillance and let you know when we come up with anything. In the meantime, you two try to stay out of his way."

Lily gaped at him. "Excuse me?"

"What do you mean, stay out of the way?" Georgina said. "We aren't useless, you know."

Lily felt the same indignation. "We want to help."

The boys all looked at one another, amused, and Lily's blood began to stir.

"We've got a system down that works really well for the four of us," James explained. "And it's not really all that secretive. Part of the object is to let him know he's being watched. Even if we changed it to include you, Snape would notice. You said yourself that you don't want him to target you."

Georgina leaned in to whisper in Lily's ear. "He's right about that, you know. Just wait. We'll find our own way to do our part. You'll see."

Lily was disappointed, but she tried not to show it. James looked relieved by her simple capitulation. She noticed that her stomach was growling and glanced at her watch. It was dinnertime already. "Okay then," Lily said, and stood up. "Is anybody hungry? Because I think dinner started ages ago."

There was a general round of eager interest in dinner. Remus put away his notebook and Peter laced up his shoes while Sirius shrugged his robes back over his shoulders. Lily noticed that he was watching James, who had turned towards the window and was taking his Quaffle back into his hand.

"James," Lily said. "Will you walk me to dinner?" She was a bit startled by how quiet the room became, and wondered if she'd been too obvious in her attempt to get him to come down to eat.

James stared at her for a moment with an odd look on his face, before he nodded and put down his Quaffle.

Pleased, Lily smoothed out her robes and draped her cloak over her arm. "Oh, here's your glove back, Sirius." Lily tugged the rolled up gloves out of her cloak pocket and handed Sirius' back to him. "Thank you for that. I lost mine last weekend and I've really missed it."

"Not at all. Do you want a complete set to borrow until you can get a new pair?" He didn't wait for an answer, but opened up a trunk and rummaged through it, finally emerging with a pair of brown leather gloves. "Take these. There's no need for you to go around freezing your hands off."

"Oh, um, thanks. Are you sure you don't need them?"

"I never wear them. I promise."

Satisfied with that answer, Lily took them, grateful for the prospect of having warm hands until she could rummage around the house for her old pair during the holidays.

James had moved nearer to her and watched her hands as she pulled the gloves on, trying them out. They were much too big, but they were very soft and well-worn. She wondered if he might forget about them and she could keep them.

Peter was sent down the stairs to make sure the coast was clear, and once he gave the word, James led Lily out of the tower and on down to dinner.

Sirius couldn't have looked happier.

_Author's Note: Hmm. Secrets all around. Are things getting more interesting? What part did you like? Please reveiw! Thanks so much for reading! And don't forget to fish around in my live journal for extra info on the characters and to chat if you like!_


	9. Christmas at War

Chapter Nine: Christmas at War 

Lily had arrived too early. She had known when she left the house for Diagon Alley that she would be much too early, but after more than a week at home on holiday, she'd been anxious to get away from Petunia. And so, with that nagging voice in her ear, she had donned her winter coat and new hat, along with her too-big borrowed gloves, and she'd left. The apothecary would not open for at least forty five minutes, but the morning was crisp and beautiful and Lily didn't mind the wait. Across the street from Slug and Jiggers Apothecary, she chose a rusty old bench underneath the overhang of a very large, snoozing Flutterby bush.

The Christmas decorations were still hung throughout Diagon Alley, but they were looking a bit tired, as though more than ready for the holiday season to be packed away. There wasn't yet much activity to watch, so Lily reached into her bag and pulled out a battered magazine. She opened up to the dog eared article that Georgina had recommended: _Which Wizard for Which Witch – How to know if your wizard is the magical one for you!_ It was complete with a quiz which indicated that Georgina's crush on Elmer Parsons was sure to lead her to lifelong bliss. Lily smiled to herself, thinking that Georgina would praise a pile of Glumbumble dung if it encouraged her to fancy Elmer.

Someone sat beside her, and Lily hurried to fold the article shut, hoping they hadn't seen what she was reading. Lily was surprised when she looked up to find that it was James Potter. He didn't look remotely interested in her magazine. He looked…vulnerable. More so than Lily had ever seen him.

James was gazing off into space, or maybe he was watching that Pride of Portee banner flapping in front of the Quidditch shop. Either way, he seemed very intent on it.

"I didn't sleep last night," he told her. "I spent most of the night in the Leaky Cauldron, but I walked for a while in front of the shops. Did you know that the junk shop is open twenty four hours a day? I didn't know that." He made a face, like he just couldn't believe it. "But a few minutes ago I came around the corner, by Eeylops, and I saw you sitting over here, pretty as a picture, and I thought, 'I must be hallucinating. I've been awake too long.' And then I thought, 'Well, sweet Merlin – if I'm hallucinating I may as well go over and talk to her.' And so here I am." He looked down at her, and his mouth curved into the smallest little grin.

Lily wasn't sure whether she ought to be worried about him, or laugh at him. Perhaps a little of both was in order. She could only look at him though, at his brown leather coat and at his messy hair sticking out at odd angles from under his hat, and at his red eyes, and the general openness of his face - an openness which hadn't been present in several weeks. It was like he was so tired that he had just stopped trying to pretend that everything was okay. Like he didn't care who saw that he was hurting.

"Is this normal for you?" he asked. "Reading in public places at early hours in the middle of winter?"

She glanced down at her magazine and shoved it into her bag. "I'm waiting for the apothecary to open up. I have to see how much Christmas money I've got left after I buy some supplies I need."

"Potions supplies with Christmas money?" James gave her a bemused look. "That doesn't seem right."

"I'll use the rest to get some new gloves."

"What's wrong with those you're wearing?"

"Nothing at all except they aren't mine," she said. "I really like them, though. I'd shrink them to fit if I thought Sirius would let me keep them."

"Sirius wouldn't care," he told her. "They aren't his."

Lily frowned with confusion.

"They were mine." He drew a bare hand out of his coat pocket to prove it. Mortified, Lily gasped and started to pull them off, but James stopped her, resting his hand over hers in her lap. "I want you to keep them." She tried to argue but he wouldn't listen. "They never looked good with this coat anyway," he told her, and his eyes crinkled. The coat and the gloves were clearly a matched set.

As cold as it was, Lily's face heated up. She was embarrassed by the whole incident, and her blushing increased as James didn't remove his hand from hers. He didn't appear to notice.

The last week or so of school, since her visit to the boys' dormitory, James had made a clear effort not to hide away so much. He still hadn't talked to her a great deal, but Lily often found James sitting near her in the Great Hall or in the Common room, and sometimes walking beside her between classes when Richard wasn't around. She was proud of him for trying.

"Is there anyplace where, when you go there," he said, "you just feel wrapped up in complex layers of memories?" He was staring off into space again. "This place is like that for me. I keep expecting to see my mother coming out of a shop, or my father talking to some wizard on the corner and calling out to me to find out where I've been. Every stone has a memory attached." He took a slow, deep breath and exhaled a puff of steam in the chilly air. "We used to come here all the time, and my dad just couldn't resist stopping by his old office - right there between the Quality Quidditch Supplies and Slug and Jiggers' Apothecary."

Lily saw a painted sign in the window. _Bowman and Potter, Legal services for Wizard businesses._

"They kept his name on the sign after all these years," James said. "I kept expecting to come by one day and see they'd changed it, but they never did. I guess I never told you, my dad went into business with his best friend after they finished Hogwarts – Mycroft Bowman. From what I hear, they were a first class riot." He smiled a bit at the memory and let his eyes follow after an aged wizard hobbling down the opposite side of the road. Lily watched the man as well – he looked so tired. "After Mycroft died, his son took over his share of the business. My dad always said that he only retired himself because Dick Bowman annoyed the hell out of him, but I think he just didn't have the heart for it anymore. Still, Dad couldn't resist stopping by the office every time we came here."

James gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and Lily turned her palm up, lacing her fingers with his.

His words were so soft that Lily could only just hear him. "I wish I could go back and do so many things over." His voice cracked a little, but he continued. "I keep replaying in my mind all of the times that I fought them, or avoided them so that I could be with my friends. Do you have any idea how often I found fake excuses for why I couldn't spend time with them?" His face was contorted with internal pain.

Lily stroked the back of his hand. "My mother had a temper like mine," she told him. "Can you imagine the two of us in the same house? I wish I could forget all of the horrible arguments we had over things I can't even remember now. Those shouting matches still haunt me at times. But it doesn't help to remember that. I've got to treasure up the good things, like how she always forgave me afterwards."

James looked at her for a moment. "I can't remember the last time you were in a high temper."

She shrugged. "I guess I learned something."

"And I thought it was just that I didn't annoy you so much."

"Maybe that, too."

They smirked at each other and Lily laughed a little; she felt really joyful that he had chosen to confide so much in her. It was good for both of them.

Without warning, James leapt from his seat and dragged Lily by the hand deep into the middle of the Flutterby bush behind them. He held her close against his chest while he drew a cluster of quivering branches in front of them.

"James, what are you – "

"Shh!" James was straining to see something across the street. Lily tried to look around his shoulder, but couldn't make anything out through the leaves.

"What's going on?" she whispered.

"I saw something through the window of the apothecary. It looked like people wearing black masks over their heads. That's what Death Eaters wear."

Lily paled somewhat. "What should we do?"

"I'm going to get a closer look."

"Are you crazy?"

James let go of Lily and reached up into his coat, drawing out a tightly rolled lump of silvery grey fabric. He unfurled it and draped it over his shoulders. Lily gasped when she saw what it was – an Invisibility cloak. She had never seen one in person.

"I'm going with you," Lily said.

"You're staying here."

"Don't be stupid. That can hide both of us, and you'll need help if you're going to do anything but look at them."

"Lily –"

But she had already taken hold of the cloak and wrapped it around both of them, a determined look on her face.

"Fine, but stay close so your feet don't stick out, and you have to follow my instructions. This is dangerous."

Emerging from the bush, they hurried over to the apothecary and bent to look into the window. Sure enough, three Death Eaters stood inside, wands drawn on poor Mr. Jiggers, the shopkeeper. He looked ready to faint.

"We've got to help him."

"That big one is watching the door. Come this way." James led her along the side of the building to a very narrow back door. The doorstep was broken, and it had the distinct look of a door never used. James reached for the handle, but Lily stopped him.

"Look at those hinges," she whispered. "They're all rusted out. Won't they make a racket?"

James slipped his arm out of the cloak and flicked his wand. A small shower of oil sprayed out of the tip and all over the hinges.

Lily pointed her wand at the hinges as well. A Silencing charm would be good insurance. "_Quietus Lamnia_," she whispered.

James grinned at her with appreciation and eased the door open. One of the hinges came off, but it didn't make a sound. They crept inside and across a storage room that was cluttered with bunches of feathers and barrels of slimy creature parts. Urgent voices could be heard in the shop.

"Take a look," a very deep voice said. "Make sure it's the right stuff." A chill tingled down Lily's back as she recognised that deep voice from Snape's conversation in the Prefects lounge.

She and James inched into the shop. James held Lily close against him, and she craned her neck to look around a mould-covered barrel filled with dead hedgehogs. A large Death Eater stood lookout by the door. Another, the speaker, held Mr. Jiggers at wand point.

The third Death Eater was much smaller than the others; he stood at the counter peering into a gold box. "I need the handling documents," he said, and snapped the box shut.

Beside her, Lily could feel James stiffen when the third Death Eater had spoken. She knew the voice as well, and swallowed a groan. Without a doubt, it was Severus Snape.

"You heard him!" the deep voice shouted. "Get the papers."

Mr. Jiggers fumbled through a rusty file cabinet, casting nervous glances at the wand held to his neck. "Kappa, kappa heart, kappa liver, here it is…" He finally drew out a short parchment and passed it to Snape, who read it, nodded, and slipped it into his pocket.

"It looks authentic." Snape slid the gold box from the counter and the weight of it pulled his arms almost to the floor. Hitching it against his chest, he stood upright.

Lily shoved James back into the storage room and pulled his head down, whispering in the softest voice she could manage. "Snape won't Apparate with that. We have to block the exit."

He drew even closer and placed his lips against her ear. "We'll seal it from out front to catch them by surprise and buy some time." Lily's senses reeled at his nearness, at his warmth and the rich scent of cigars emanating from his shirt collar. She inhaled a deep breath, and then bit her lip – this was no time for wayward hormones.

James tried to draw her toward the back door with him, but Lily resisted. Someone needed to stay put to help Mr. Jiggers. What followed was a short, mostly silent, argument between them that ended with James leaving Lily sulking outside the back door of the apothecary with the Invisibility cloak. He was going to sneak around to the front and seal the door before going for help, and he wanted her to stay hidden. Lily didn't like the arrangement at all.

As soon as he was out of sight, Lily hurried back into the shop only to discover that Mr. Jiggers was in the midst of a pitiful plea for mercy.

"I won't tell a soul! Please don't hurt me. My lips are sealed!"

"Oh, I know that," said the deep voice. "Consider this a bit of insurance. _Crucio_!"

Lily thought she was going to vomit. The sight of the poor man writhing and screaming was more than she could stand. She crouched to the floor and, from underneath the edge of the cloak, she aimed her wand at a jar above the head of the deep-voiced man. Success! The jar exploded and twitching Billywig larvae cascaded over the top of his head and shoulders. Mr. Jiggers' screams stopped and were replaced by the Death Eater's shouts of agitation. The big Death Eater tried to open the front door, but it wouldn't budge.

"Someone's coming," he said. "It's a trap! Let's move."

"Back to the inn, now," the deep voice said. "Let's go."

"I'm not Apparating," Snape said. "It'll ruin the liver."

"Floo, then! Be quick!"

The two Death Eaters Disapparated on the spot, leaving Snape behind. He ran to the fireplace and sifted through the assorted junk on the mantle. While he searched for the Floo powder, Lily doused the flames with a jet of water from her wand. Snape rounded on her, firing a blind curse that just missed her and burst apart a crate to her left. His eyes darted about the room before he ran for the back door. Lily sent a trip jinx his way, but he saw the sparks and dodged it.

By the time she could fire off another spell, he had performed an excellent Shield charm and was out the back door. Lily barged out the door after him and sprinted down the side of the building. By the time she got to the front of the store, Snape was running at top speed down Diagon Alley.

"James!" Lily shouted. She pulled the cloak off her head and shouted again.

James hurried over from the front door and Lily pointed down the road. "Snape got away with the box. I couldn't stop him." And with that, James took off after him. "Wait, James! I didn't mean that you should…" But he paid her no heed. Lily yanked the cloak off of her shoulders and groaned, torn as to what she should do. That short sprint had left her out of breath already, and Mr. Jiggers needed help inside. She would have to count on James to watch out for himself for the moment. Lily turned and jogged back into the shop through the rear.

Mr. Jiggers had fallen between the counter and his file cabinet, and except for the shallow rise and fall of his chest, he wasn't moving.

"_Ennervate_," Lily said, but the spell had no visible effect. Lily swore under her breath.

The front door creaked open and Lily spun around, wand ready. A middle-aged man stood there, holding his wand and scowling. "What's going on here?" he demanded.

Lily released the breath she was holding. It was Dick Bowman, Richard's father. She lowered her wand.

"Lily Evans? Is that you?" Mr. Bowman hurried towards her. "James Potter just stuck his head in my office and called for help over here." As he came closer, he caught sight of the injured man on the floor. "Arsenius!" He knelt by Mr. Jiggers and tried to bring him around.

"It was Death Eaters," Lily told him. Her blood was racing and her head was starting to feel dizzy. She leaned against the counter. "They stole something, and then they cursed him. I couldn't stop it." Lily rubbed her face.

More wizards began to file into the shop, drawn by the commotion.

"We've got to get this man to the hospital," Mr. Bowman announced. "Brackenbury! Give me a hand with him."

"Better take this girl here, too, Dick," said a wrinkled little witch standing at Lily's elbow. "She's got a nasty gash on her arm."

Lily wondered who she was talking about until the witch took her by the arm. Looking down, Lily saw the blood trickling down her sleeve. The room began to spin. Snape must have been a luckier shot than she'd realised.

"Has anybody seen James?" Lily asked. "He ran off after…after that Death Eater."

"He did what?" said Mr. Bowman, startled.

"He chased after him. Down Diagon Alley. I'm really worried about him."

Mr. Bowman began shouting orders to the onlookers. "McVicar, help Brackenbury get these two off to St. Mungo's. Rice, alert the Aurors that there's been an attack and that a Death Eater may still be loose in Diagon Alley. Tell them that James Potter is missing as well. Hurry! Come with me, Hardwicke. We're going to see if we can't track the boy down."

Lily felt herself pressed towards the fire – someone had started it up again – but she wasn't seeing too well. The next thing that Lily knew, she was looking at a white tiled ceiling and the grim face of a Mediwitch leaning over her. Her nametag read, "Fiona." Lily blinked a few times in an attempt to gain her bearings.

"It's about time you came around."

_Author's Note: New setting, new attitude from James (what's up with him?), new action and plot development. Lots of stuff to talk about - please do! Tell me what you think. I'll answer questions on my livejournal - link from my author page. Thanks so much for reading!_


	10. Seek and Find

Chapter Ten: Seek and Find 

Fiona the Mediwitch was not in a pleasant mood. She corked a bottle, and it clinked on the steel table. "Those Aurors have been practically banging in the door wanting to talk to you. Don't they know we're running a hospital around here? You can't bang in doors where there are sick people." Several tendrils of curly hair stuck out around her face, and she blew a puff of air at one that dangled over her eye. "The way they go on, you would think I didn't have one thing to do but interfere with their investigation. Never mind about the poor girl in here that's been attacked."

"I'm sorry," Lily said, but her voice wasn't more than a croak.

"Drink this." Fiona put a glass to Lily's lips and tipped a cool liquid into her mouth. Lily started to drink, and drink, and Fiona didn't stop pouring. "You had a pretty good gash on your arm, but Healer Shubrook fixed it up nicely and a Blood Replenishing potion took care of the rest. You'll want to take it easy for a few days, but you shouldn't have any problems. You'll probably be discharged tomorrow morning." Fiona kept pouring the drink into Lily's mouth. "Auror Savage brought your things by. He was hoping that would get him a chance to interview you, but I kicked him out. I'm afraid you've got a pretty sizable tear in your fancy cloak over there, but maybe you can find somebody to mend it." Lily choked and spluttered and Fiona eased the glass away from her mouth. Looking over the side of the bed, Lily saw a chair piled up with her bag and clothes, as well as the Invisibility cloak.

"Is she up?" A shaggy-looking wizard had his head craned through the small opening of the door.

Fiona groaned. "You can come in."

The young man didn't need a second invitation. He wore official-looking robes and had a thick folder under his arm. There was nothing official about the way he carried himself, however, as he strolled into the small room and plopped down into the bedside chair.

"Hi there, Lily. I'm Jack Savage, Aurors' Office. Please call me Jack. How are you feeling?"

"What kind of a question is that?" Fiona snapped. "She's been injured and unconscious and you come waltzing in here right as she's waking up. Do you really have to ask to know that she's tired and sore?"

His eyes narrowed a bit at Fiona for a moment, but then he turned a softer gaze to Lily. "If this is too much for you, please tell me. But the sooner we can find out what you know, the sooner we may be able to find out what happened to your friend." Lily wondered if this speech was intended for Fiona instead of herself. Fiona grunted and continued to write in Lily's chart.

"How is James?" Lily asked.

He looked down at his hands. "We haven't found him yet, but we will." He raised his eyes back to hers. "We will – soon. I promise."

"Has anybody contacted Sirius? Sirius Black. He's James' best friend."

"Not likely, if he isn't immediate family," he told her, "but if you'd like to write him a note, I'd be happy to send an owl for you as soon as we're done"

Lily wouldn't rest until she had done just that, and as soon as she was provided with a quill and a scrap of parchment she scribbled out a message. _Sirius – Don't panic. James disappeared while chasing a Death Eater that we know._ She decided against naming Snape just yet. _The Aurors are out looking for him. I'm at St. Mungo's Hospital awaiting news. Please come. Lily._ She rolled it up and handed it over to Jack, who tucked it into his breast pocket.

"Does my family know where I am?"

"If they don't, they should soon. I know somebody was trying to locate them. They're Muggles, aren't they? Muggles can be a touch tricky to find when you want them, and once you do find them , it takes a little while to get them here."

Fiona checked Lily's vital signs one more time before she left them alone, grumbling all the way out the door about interfering wizards and noisy corridors. She left the door part way open and warned Jack against closing it. "It just wouldn't be decent."

When she was gone, Jack grinned at Lily. "Sorry about that," he told her. "Fiona's got a bit of a crush on me, and she hasn't forgiven me for passing her over at the Minister's holiday party last week."

Lily wasn't quite sure what to say to that, although she could see why Fiona might like him. Jack Savage had a very rugged, relaxed countenance along with a warm manner that made her want to sit right next to him and open up her heart. That, or snog him silly. But Lily managed to keep that particular impulse in check.

"Now, Lily," he said, leaning forward. "I need to know what happened in Diagon Alley. Tell me everything."

And so Lily told him. She told about seeing the masked wizards through the window. She told about sneaking into the back of the shop and about how the Death Eaters stole some Kappa liver in a gold box and then tortured Mr. Jiggers. She told about her fight with the Death Eater who had not Disapparated. She did not tell him that she thought she knew who that Death Eater was – Lily still wasn't sure she wanted that information leaking back to Snape. She did tell him how guilty she felt about letting James run off after him, though.

"I just came running out of the apothecary, shouting about the one who got away and he took off. I should have known he would go after him. I should have waited to say anything. If I'd just kept my head for one minute…"

"Lily," Jack took her by the hand and dabbed her teary cheeks with a tissue. "None of this was your fault. Do you hear me?" Lily looked away. "James did what he thought was best. It's hard to make good decisions when you're under pressure."

"I'm so worried about him."

"I know you are. So am I. But if he's half as brave as you are, then I just know he's holding his own. I'll be honest, I've never seen a witch your age who handled Death Eaters as well as you did. You should be proud of yourself."

"Thanks," she whispered. "But I didn't do anything except get hurt. I didn't even stop the robbery."

"But you stopped them from killing Arsenius Jiggers," he said. "That must count for something."

"Do you think they would have killed him?"

"Most likely. That seems to be their usual way of doing things lately." Lily shuddered to think of how much worse it could have been. "Now, Lily." Jack leaned forward and took her hand again. "I need you to promise me something." His beautiful blue eyes met hers straight on. "If you remember anything at all, or if you find out anything new that might be related to what happened, I need you to tell me, okay? Just send me an owl that you want to talk and I'll show up on the double."

Lily nodded. She couldn't help it. The way he was smiling at her made her glad she was already lying down.

"Great. Well, I'm going to run off and send this letter for you." He patted his pocket. "I'll send it priority express. Now, if you need anything, just tell Fiona to send for me. And if she gives you a hard time, just throw around some hints about the Minister's party. That ought to keep her in line."

Chuckling at himself, Jack slipped out the door. Lily sighed and let her head fall with a thump against the pillow. She felt foolish when she considered how much of her feelings about the day's events that she had shared with him, sounding like little more than a silly schoolgirl. She just had no control around attractive men.

Lily lay in a state of general agitation for a full half hour. She wasn't permitted out of bed and had very little to do other than picking at her striped hospital gown and worrying that James was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Fiona wondered why Lily had no appetite.

Just when Lily felt ready to throw on James' Invisibility cloak and sneak out of the hospital altogether, Fiona poked her head into the room. "You've another visitor," she said, and in walked Richard with an anxious look on his face. Lily sat up, tugging at her gown with one hand while reaching out to him with the other. He hurried to the bedside and wrapped both arms around her. Lily was glad to see him, and she hugged him as hard as she could.

"Oh, Lily," he mumbled into her shoulder. "I was so worried when I heard you'd been hurt." He sat on the edge of the bed to look her over. "How are you feeling?"

"They fixed me all up," she said. "I'm just supposed to hang around here so they can keep an eye on me for a while." She glanced up as Fiona exited the room, closing the door behind her.

Richard took her hand in both of his. "My father came home not long ago saying how you'd been hurt by Death Eaters at the apothecary, and that he'd been out looking for James Potter ever since. I came straight over."

"Is there any news about James?" She was afraid to find out the answer.

"They brought him in a few minutes ago. He's down the hall."

Lily sat up. "Is he okay? I need to see him!"

"You can't. Nobody can." Richard frowned and rubbed her hand. "My father was trying to go in with him, but the Healers left strict orders. No visitors until they're sure they've lifted all the spells he was hit with."

Tears prickled in Lily's eyes. "He was hurt bad, wasn't he? I knew it. It's my fault you know."

"Hey." He drew her back into a hug. "He's going to be alright. Healer Shubrook said so. I heard it myself." He brushed her hair back over her ears. "And what makes you think it was your fault?"

"I came running out of the shop, yelling about Sn- the Death Eater getting away, and James chased after him."

"That wasn't your fault," he said, meeting her eyes with his. "That was just Potter being reckless, like he always is. Now, don't worry about him, alright? I want you to concentrate on getting yourself better."

Lily dabbed at her eyes with a corner of the bed sheet. "I must look a mess."

"Just a little," Richard said, and grinned. "That gown is very sexy, by the way." It was hard not to smile at that, and Lily tugged again on the stiff fabric against her neck. She'd never worn anything so uncomfortable. "You're sure you're okay? No pain or anything?" He drew his fingers down her bandaged arm.

"No pain at all. Just a little tired."

Richard touched his forehead to hers. "Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"I wish you would."

He swept his palm over her cheek and Lily closed her eyes, tilting her chin as Richard kissed her. The warm familiarity of his touch, his scent, his pulse, washed over her. Lily eased her hands around his neck and pulled him closer. She wanted to forget about the guilt riddling her mind. She wanted to forget about the nervous fear that had coursed through her veins all morning. She wanted to forget about James Potter. And Richard could help her do that. At her urging, his lips moved to her neck, along the edge of the stiff, striped gown, and then up into the hair behind her ears. Yes, indeed. Richard Bowman could make Lily forget about anything at all, but not for long.

At some point, Jack Savage stopped by Lily's room with word that her father had been located at the bank, and that he was being escorted to St. Mungo's as they spoke. Once Richard heard that, he limited himself to sitting in the metal chair by the bedside and stroking her hand in his.

"Richard, I'm worried." Lily had been staring at that brown stained ceiling tile for at least twenty minutes while Richard sat chatting about something that she wasn't paying attention to. Her mind was much too occupied. "Do you think you could try to find out an update on James? I'd like to know how he's doing."

He eased to his feet and stretched out his back. "Potter isn't the first wizard to ever get himself cursed, you know. Three summers ago a burglar hit me with a Hacking Hex right in my bed. I couldn't stop coughing for two weeks."

"Please check on him, Richard. Surely there's some news by now."

"Alright, alright. I'll see what I can dig up." Scratching the back of his head, Richard wandered out of the room.

Lily leaned back against her lumpy pillow to wait, but something made her sit up again. She could hear quick, pounding footsteps in the corridor outside her room. She didn't have time to wonder who it was.

"Lily!" Lily looked up to see Sirius Black standing in the doorway, his face white as death. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but his mouth just hung open a little, like he couldn't form the words. Lily thought she knew what he was thinking.

"He's okay, Sirius," she told him. "James has been found. He's out of danger."

Sirius exhaled a very long breath. He collapsed onto a nearby stool and looked up at Lily. "I'm going to kill him," he said. His chest was heaving and Sirius leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. It looked as though he'd been running a marathon.

Lily turned in the bed so that her feet dangled over the side, and then drew the sheet over her bare knees.

He opened one eye to look at her. "What happened to you?"

"I got cut and lost some blood. No big deal, really."

His other eye opened. "I should have wondered why the receptionist knew exactly where you were when I asked. You okay?" Lily nodded. "How is James?" he asked.

"It sounds like he's hurt pretty bad, but I haven't been able to see him. I just sent Richard to try to find something out."

Sirius closed his eyes again. He continued to breathe in deep, measured breaths with his head leaned against the wall and two locks of dark hair hanging into his face. Both hands went up to rub the sides of his neck. "I'm going to kill him," he repeated. Pushing on his knees, he stood up. "You sure you're okay, Lily? You look kind of peaky." He took a few steps closer to the bed.

"I'm fine, really." She paused and frowned. "I'm worried about James, though."

Sirius glanced at the door and hooked his thumbs on his pockets. "Look, I'm going to find him, alright?"

Lily took Sirius by the arm and pulled him towards her, embracing him around the neck. "If you get in to see him, tell James this hug is for him, will you?"

"Sure thing," he whispered, and he slipped his arms around her back, giving her a gentle squeeze.

"Lily?" Richard had returned just then and, judging by the look on his face, he was none too happy to find Sirius in his place.

Sirius straightened up and strolled towards the door, hooking his hands back onto his pockets. "Bowman," he said.

"Black." Scowling, Richard planted himself between Sirius and Lily, his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't see Lily roll her eyes at his attitude, but Sirius did, and he grinned at her.

"What did you find out?" Lily asked Richard.

"Potter's awake, but still no visitors."

"That's all? But how is he feeling? What kind of injuries did he get? How long do they expect to keep him in the hospital?"

"I don't know. They wouldn't let me in to see him," Richard told her. "What are you doing here?" he asked Sirius.

"I just stopped in on my way to see James." He waved to Lily. "I'll be back by later to let you know how he's feeling, okay sweetheart?" And with that, he slipped off down the hall.

_Author's Note: Sirius is sure trying to stir things up, isn't he? Please revew! Check out my live journal (pasmosa dot livejournal dot com) to see questions I've been answering about his story, or to ask your own. I'd love to chat._


	11. Blame Game

Chapter Eleven: Blame Game 

A good night's sleep in her own bed at her father's house did Lily a world of good. Walking downstairs to find him serving his best fry up lifted her spirits even higher. To round off an excellent morning, an owl arrived from Sirius announcing that James was awake and asking for Lily. It didn't take her long to be dressed and out the door for St. Mungo's.

At the hospital, Lily stood outside the door to James' room, unsure of what to do. The door was ajar, but Lily had not entered. She could hear a woman speaking, and she could hear James. He was giggling.

"I've never seen anything like this before," the woman said. "I didn't know they could get so long."

James giggled even harder and then cried out, "Stop! Stop. I need a rest."

"I'm not done." The woman grunted and James burst out with another string of giggles. "If you would stop squirming around like that," she told him, "I could finish a lot faster."

Lily couldn't resist. She eased her head through the door and blinked at what she saw. James was perched on the edge of the bed, pulling his hair with both hands. One bare foot was planted on the floor while the other was propped up in the lap of Fiona the Mediwitch, who sat in a bedside chair, wand in hand.

"Is this a bad time?" Lily asked.

James jerked his foot out of Fiona's grasp. "Hi, Lily." He stood and smoothed the hospital gown over his body. It was just long enough to cover his knobbly knees.

"Hi." Lily took a very small step into the room. "I can come back later."

"No need," Fiona said. "I'm almost done with him." She grabbed James by the leg and he fell back against the bed, clutching the edge of the mattress while Fiona jabbed her wand at one of his toes that looked a bit peculiar. It was easy to see that she was tickling him in the process and, now that he had an audience, James was making every effort to resist the impulse to giggle. His lips pursed together in a stiff line and his face changed several colours of red, but at last Fiona was done. She dropped something in a bowl and stood. James released a very relieved breath.

While Fiona jotted some notes down in James' chart, she glanced up at Lily. "How are you feeling, Lily? Everything alright?"

"I'm well." Lily slipped off James' gloves and put them in her pocket.

"No more dizziness?"

"I've never felt better." She smiled at James and he ruffled his hair.

"I'm glad to hear it." Fiona stuck her quill in her hair and picked up the bowl. She turned to James. "I'll be back in an hour to trim those again. You stay in bed until then. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Fiona stepped out, but James did not get back in bed. He rubbed one foot with the other and adjusted his glasses over his ears. His face was still pink. Reaching behind himself, he yanked the sheet from the bed and pulled it up over his shoulders, around his back. Lily understood. She'd hated those gowns, too.

"How do you feel?" Lily asked.

"I'm okay." James twisted the corners of the sheet between his hands. "Embarrassed," he admitted, "but okay."

She loosened her scarf and shrugged her coat off onto the chair as she moved closer to James. "What's the matter with your foot?"

"Both feet, actually." He sat back against the bed and looked down, wiggling his toes. "It's some kind of Toenail Growing hex. The Healer hasn't figured out how to remove it yet."

"That's sort of icky."

"I know it is." He wiggled his toes again while she looked at them.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed," Lily told him.

James frowned and crossed his arms over his front, pulling the sheet tight around his body. He looked towards the curtain shrouding the window. "I was bested by Snape," he said. And then Lily understood. James didn't care about his hexed feet. It was his pride that was injured more than anything. "I was exhausted and part drunk and I shouldn't have been anywhere near him, or you for that matter." Lily tried to catch his eye, but James wouldn't look at her. "I'm sorry I got you hurt," he said.

The corners of Lily's mouth twitched and she shifted her feet so that she was standing right in front of him. "And here I was coming in to say the same thing to you." That got James to look at her; his eyebrows knit together and his mouth hung open in a tiny frown as he tipped his face up. Lily raised one shoulder in a little shrug. "Maybe there's enough blame for both of us to share."

"None of this was your fault." James' frown deepened and his eyes went back towards the curtains. The knot in Lily's stomach began to grow at an alarming rate and she tightened her lips into a hard line. He blamed himself for everything that had happened; she could read it on his face as well as if he'd spelled it out on a blackboard. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't take all the blame. It wasn't fair to her.

"If I'd followed your instructions," Lily said, "and stayed behind the apothecary, Snape would have escaped through the Floo. Neither of us would have been hurt at all." Lily crossed her arms over her chest and reached up to rub the side of her neck. "Don't try to take this all on yourself. I made choices, too."

James turned his attention from the curtains to his lap, where he twisted and pulled at the corners of the sheet that covered him.

"I was really worried about you, James."

He cast a brief glance at her, too fleeting for Lily to read his eyes.

"They couldn't find you. I was scared you'd been killed." Her voice cracked as she willed herself not to cry, and then James looked at her, straight into her eyes, and his frown softened. "I was worried."

James stood and wrapped his arms, sheets and all, around Lily's shoulders. He stroked her hair and held her close. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Lily slid her hands onto James' waist. Through the cotton of his hospital gown Lily could feel how thin James had become, what the suffering of the last few months had done to his healthy body. And then her brain hitched when she found the gown's open seam down his spine.

She pressed her eyes into his shoulder, felt his hand easing down her back, and it was then that Lily realised something significant. It was while Lily stood there, snug in James' embrace, with his breath in her hair and her fingertips under his gown, drawing hesitant circles on the bare skin of his back, that Lily realised just how important James Potter had become to her. That he had somehow attached himself to her heart in a way that she never could have predicted. She also realised that she found James Potter far too attractive for her own good. And it scared the stuffing out of her.

Lily sighed and leaned her head back to look at him. He wore an expression of such peace as Lily never would have expected – not considering the way her own hormones were swirling. His eyes were heavy lidded and his mouth curved into just a hint of a smile. James brushed his palm down Lily's cheek and she took a step back. His expression did not alter.

She picked at her smallest fingernail while James adjusted the sheet over his shoulders and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Would you like to sit down?" James motioned with his eyes to the space next to him on the mattress. Lily swallowed hard and moved forward, turned, and lowered herself to sit beside him. She hadn't stopped picking at that fingernail.

"How was your stay in the hospital?" James asked her. "Did you have Fiona?" Lily snorted, making James laugh. "She didn't insist on tickling you every hour, did she?"

"She was always grumpy because this Auror she didn't like kept coming around to ask me questions."

"I'll bet it was Savage, wasn't it?"

Lily looked up from her fingernail. "How did you know?"

"He came here this morning, and I could see she's got it in for him." He shrugged and waved the sheet corner around a bit. "Can't blame her, really."

"Why do you say that?"

"Jack Savage is just out of Auror training," he said. "He's barely more than a lackey for the old guys, but he hangs around like he's doing something important. Don't you remember him from when he was in school with us?" Lily told him she didn't. "He was a Slytherin. The annoying prat."

Lily picked at her fingernail again and crossed her ankles by the floor. "I thought he seemed kind of nice."

James raised his eyebrows at that, but opted not to comment. "Sirius said your father came here to see you," he said. "How did he like St. Mungo's?"

Lily giggled; her father's enthusiasm had entertained her every moment. "He was overwhelmed at first, but he pretty much thought everything was brilliant. He talked about the mannequin at the entrance all through breakfast."

"Really?" He made a face that told her he didn't understand at all why the mannequin was noteworthy. "I suppose it is a good bit of magic."

"It is."

They were both silent for a moment, fidgeting.

"Have you seen Georgina yet?" James asked her.

"I rang her yesterday and we spoke for about two hours. She was mad that she didn't get to come see me in the hospital."

"You weren't really in long enough for a string of visitors, were you?"

Forcing a small grin, Lily switched her attentions to a new fingernail. "Richard came for a while," she said. "He was annoyed, though, because I kept sending him out of the room to check up on you."

A broad grin spread over James' face. He looked at her for a moment and then turned his face back to the sheet corner in his hands, still smiling. "Lily, I just wanted to tell you…" James dug one hand into his hair and scratched at his scalp, the smile fading. "It's just…thanks. You've helped me these last couple of months and I appreciate it."

"That's what friends are for."

"Not just any friend, though. You're special. Important."

Lily was burning to reach out and touch him, just to lay her hand over his, but she didn't trust herself right then. She couldn't move. "You're important to me too, James," she told him. "I'm glad you're my friend."

"Me too," he whispered. And then Lily's heart began to race – really race. She knew what James was about to do. She could see it in his dilating eyes. She could see it in the way he was leaning his shoulders. She knew she ought to stop him. But she didn't. And then…he kissed her. He caressed her lips with the gentlest of kisses, causing her to forget where she was and what she shouldn't be doing. He tasted of cabbages and of knotgrass. And then Lily noticed that she was kissing him back. That she was relishing the feel of his mouth against hers. That she wanted more. She turned her head away just enough to stop, and James left his face close to hers, brushing his cheek against her cheek. His warm breath was in her ear. It was intoxicating.

"Lily," he whispered. "Lily, I…"

"Don't apologise, James, please don't." She couldn't bear to hear it. "It was my fault." He leaned back, away from her, and Lily stood up, her heart still racing, blood rushing at top speed through every part of her body. "I shouldn't have let that happen." It the short time it took Lily to say that, James seemed to withdraw several hundred leagues away from her. That mask he used to hide his pain for so long, that stony curtain that Lily had been so happy to see fall away – was back with full force.

Her eyes stung and her stomach was in her throat, and Lily didn't know what to do. She only knew that if she stayed so close to him for one more minute she might just burst into pieces. "I think I'd better go," she said. Lily took up her coat and cast a parting look at James. He nodded and looked away as she exited.

Lily hugged her coat to her chest and strode down the corridor, following the fine lines between the linoleum tiles and avoiding the eye of everyone along the way. She'd never hated herself more than at that moment; she'd never realised that she was capable of such cruelty. Her lust had carried her away without thinking of the consequences, without thinking of how much she could hurt James. Lily just couldn't use him like that. James was grieving. He was grasping for anything that might smother the pain in his heart. He was being reckless and wasn't thinking ahead. And Lily's own reckless hormones were more than happy to take advantage of him.

Lily met Sirius as he was coming out of the lift, and she wasn't quick enough to blink away the tears brimming in her eyes. He followed her back into the lift and punched the button for the fifth floor, not saying a word.

"I'm going down," Lily told him.

"Not yet. You're coming up to have some tea with me first."

She didn't feel like tea. She didn't feel like doing anything but curling up in her bed and crying. But when the doors opened, Sirius wouldn't let her stay on the lift. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the tea room. Lily didn't have the energy to fight.

Sirius purchased a tray of tea for two and carried it to a worn little table. He sat Lily in a brown velvet wingback chair and then settled himself in another chair across from her. They didn't speak for some time. Lily continued to hug her coat against her stomach while Sirius made a show of stirring sugar and milk into the teacups.

It was after Sirius had pushed a steaming cup towards Lily that he spoke. "Did he tell you how they found him?"

Lily shook her head and yet another wave of shame washed over her. She'd never gotten around to asking him about what happened. Sirius seemed surprised.

"Tell me," Lily said.

Sirius lifted his cup to his nose and inhaled; he didn't take a drink. "He'd been stuffed up a drain spout," he said. "He was unconscious, bleeding out of his stomach, hit with every kind of hex." He set the cup down, untouched. "The Healers did nice work on him."

Lily felt sick thinking about it. "I'm surprised he wasn't killed."

She watched him tighten his mouth while he rotated the cup between his fingers. "I thought maybe that was why you were upset."

A tear tickled Lily's cheek. She wiped it away with her hand, but another followed right behind it. "James kissed me," she whispered, and felt the heat flooding her cheeks at the admission.

Sirius stared at her for a short moment while his eyes widened and his brows lifted well into his hairline. But it didn't take long before a smile crept over his mouth, his cheeks, and into his eyes. "Did he, now? And did you return the favour?"

If possible, more colour poured into Lily's face. Sirius covered his grin with a sip from his teacup.

"James is not himself right now," Lily said. "A lot of weird stuff goes on in your head when you're grieving the way he is. He's probably sitting in his room right now, mortified, wondering what he was thinking. Wishing he hadn't done it."

Sirius took another drink of tea and shifted in his seat. "How do you know that James hasn't been nursing a crush on you since the day you met?"

Pushing her teacup further away from her, Lily frowned. "That isn't funny, Sirius."

"You're right." He leaned forward over his cup. "But look, Lily. What's the big deal here? You snogged the Head Boy. Worse things have happened."

"I just cheated on my boyfriend, Sirius." Lily propped her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands. She was so ashamed.

"Can I ask you a question?" he said. "And I don't mean to make a joke or anything, I'm just really curious." He looked up from his cup and met her eye. "What do you see in Bowman?"

Lily frowned. "Just because you lot don't care for him—."

But Sirius interrupted her. "I'm not trying to be flippant, Lily. I told you." His eyes met hers straight on. "I really want to know."

_Author's Note: How was it? Moody James, angsty Lily, and a little snogging. Please tell me how you liked it!_


	12. Research and Development

Chapter Twelve: Research and Development 

In an empty classroom, in the nook of a large window with greenish glass, Lily stood thinking of James Potter. The problem was that she wasn't with James Potter; she was with Richard Bowman, and James Potter was the furthest thing from his mind. In fact, at that moment, the only thing that seemed to have Richard's attention was that little freckle on Lily's left collarbone, and he was intent on devouring it.

Lily wove her fingers into his hair and her gaze drifted up towards the moon, heavy and bright in the early January sky. Things just hadn't been the same since she'd come back from the holidays, since Sirius had asked her that question. Lily wasn't sure she could forgive him.

Richard drew his hands up her back, into her hair, and his lips moved to her mouth, hot and insistent. She kissed him in return, eager to feel how much he cared for her, eager to find what it was that drew them together. Over the past two weeks Lily had dwelt on that question, but she'd never given an answer to Sirius. She'd yet to give an answer to herself.

She thought of last October, of Richard's dismay and fear when he heard of Lily being attacked by Slytherins in the corridor, how he never once spoke of revenge. She thought of his search throughout Hogsmeade for her lost glove, how he'd walked home with two warm hands while she was cold.

He brushed his fingers down her arm, over her palm, kneading the soft curve of her hip as he pulled her tight against him, and then Lily remembered whose gloves were in her coat pocket. She remembered who was rumoured to have hexed Snape after he'd attacked her. And she continued to think of James Potter.

Richard's caresses became more urgent, drawing Lily's attention back to his lips, his warmth, and the spicy scent of his soap. His fingers swirled over her skin, under her skirt, along her --

"Stop. Stop it." Lily pushed Richard's chest away from her and he hurried to draw his hands back to her waist. "I've told you I don't want that," she said.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Richard murmured. "I won't do it again." And his lips were right back to her neck. "You're just so wonderful."

It always seemed to come to this point with them – hungry passion, intimacy, lingering guilt. As Lily leaned against that green glass, fingering the hair over Richard's ear, she realized what was missing in their relationship…everything else.

Lily could feel Richard's fingers seeking the next button on her blouse. She brushed his hand away. "I'd like to go back, Richard. I'm tired." He hummed into her shoulder and drew his arms tight around her back, squeezing her body against his.

"It's early."

"It's not early," Lily said. "It's late, it's Thursday night, and I'm tired. I still need to revise for that quiz in Transfiguration." She slid her hands between their bodies and nudged him away from her.

With only one eye just half open, Richard sighed and traced Lily's lips with his thumb. "Would it be un-Ravenclaw of me to talk you out of revising?"

Lily smiled as she slipped away. She arranged her blouse and hung her cloak over her shoulders while she walked towards the door. When she looked behind her, she saw Richard still standing near the window, disappointed, probably frustrated, with his shoulders slumped.

"Are you coming?" Lily heaved the old door open and stepped into the corridor. Richard wasn't very far behind.

Lily was too busy to see much of Richard on Friday, and while she had promised to spend time with him on Saturday morning, she changed her mind at the last minute. Instead, she ended up hunkered down in the library with Georgina, under the pretence of getting ahead on their homework. In the furthest corner of the Potions section, the girls sat side by side with mouldy books stacked up to their ears all around the table.

"Did you know," Georgina said, "that if you hang a Kappa's liver and stomach around your neck by a woven nickel chain it will protect you from Nundus?" She tapped a finger on the page and made a face. "But you have to pickle it in Dugbog urine first. That is so disgusting. I would rather get eaten by a Nundu."

Lily closed the book in front of her and hoisted it onto the stack by her elbow. "You–Know-Who wouldn't care what it was pickled in. If he got together an army of Nundus, things could get really bad."

"Even You-Know-Who couldn't manage an army of Nundus, Lily, no matter how many Kappa livers he had. They're too big. It takes hundreds of wizards to control them, and just a whiff of their breath will turn you into a ghost." She passed another book to Lily, ignoring the sceptical look on Lily's face.

"I don't know. I'll bet there's a way he could use them if he wanted to." Lily wouldn't put it past Lord Voldemort to rein dangerous beasts into his service. She made a note on her scroll to look into Nundus.

Having learned, first hand, what it was that Snape had stolen from the apothecary – a supply of very pure Kappa liver – Lily and Georgina wasted no time in resolving to discover what it was to be used for. They had been conducting secretive research ever since.

"Well here's one that sounds reasonable," Georgina said. "It only takes a thousand years to make."

"You're joking!"

"It says right here." She tilted up the book so that Lily could see it. "The Kappa liver is used in an elixir which is brewed over a flame that has been burning for a minimum of one thousand years."

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "Who would wait around that long for a spell?"

"Somebody afraid of fire. It's said to 'render human flesh impervious to all manner of flames and incendiaries'."

"I would think You-Know-Who could do a simple Flame Freezing charm, and he certainly hasn't got a thousand years."

Discovering what Voldemort might be up to by looking through potions books began to feel rather futile after the first week. Lily was fairly certain that she needed to find a different track to follow.

"I like this one," Georgina said, "and diced Kappa liver is the main ingredient. It's supposed to trim the extra fat off of your thighs and buttocks."

They grinned at each other. "That would be worth brewing," Lily said.

Georgina dog-eared the page, giggling.

They had managed to discover that Kappa liver was a classified substance, requiring a special license from the Ministry of Magic just to obtain it. Lily couldn't understand the restrictions. None of the potions they had managed to come up with seemed dangerous enough to warrant such security, let alone sinister enough to interest dark wizards.

"Look here." Georgina poked Lily's arm. "This one calls for grinding the liver into mush with a marble mortar and pestle. It's supposed to lure ghosts and then bind them to a property."

"Is that like prison for rogue ghosts?" A shiver trickled down Lily's spine at the thought.

"Sounds like it. Do you think he could do anything with that?"

"I don't know," Lily said. "Are there any ghost that could actually hurt you?" She made another note on her scroll, reminding herself to look further into the dangers of congregated ghosts.

She had accrued a whole list of things to look into, but nothing that addressed what, to Lily, seemed to be a key factor – the purity of the liver. The Death Eaters had been so concerned about proper handling; Lily was sure it was important to whatever they were doing.

"Have any of the spells that you've seen made any mention of the purity of the ingredients?"

"The fat trimming one…and I think the fireproofing one did, too."

Lily frowned and pushed her chair back from the table. "This is just the wrong direction entirely. I think I'm going to see what I can find about the liver itself. Maybe that will hold a clue."

Leaving Georgina to dog-ear more library books, Lily wandered over to the section of the library where rows upon rows of shelves housed unnumbered books on every kind of magical creature.

Lily walked her fingers across the spines of a fourteen volume series of books about the complexities of Kappa anatomy. They were so thick with dust that Lily imagined the last person to have looked at them must have been Dumbledore's great grandfather. Volume thirteen, however, was dust free, and Lily frowned as she drew the heavy book from the shelf. She wondered if Snape had been handling it. That suspicion was confirmed when the pages fell open to page four hundred and twelve – a detailed description of the effects a Kappa's diet has on the magical properties of the liver. It was not going to be a light read. Lily hoisted the heavy volume under her arm and headed back across the library.

As she passed the invisibility section, Lily paused. At the other end of a row of bookcases, James Potter sat alone at a large table, with books and scrolls spread out in front of him. She walked a bit closer, and could see that his quill was still in his hand as he stared at an inky scroll he'd been working on.

James hadn't said one word to Lily since she'd seen him in the hospital. He had avoided her like the plague ever since they'd kissed. Not that Lily was complaining about that – she wasn't sure of what to say to him either – but this couldn't go on forever. It wasn't good for James, and it wasn't pleasant for Lily.

She crept down the aisle of books and circled around the table, to the chair opposite James. "Do you mind if I sit here?" He jumped a little when she spoke, and then shook his head as he recovered.

"Go ahead." He dipped his quill in his inkpot and fixed his eyes back on his scroll. Lily noticed that he didn't write anything.

Lily slid the large book onto the tabletop and sat down, flipping the pages to four hundred and twelve. Before she began to read she watched James for several minutes. She didn't want him to notice, however, and managed this with a combination of short glances and covert staring through her hair while she bent her head. He didn't look well. Everything about him looked drawn and tired, from his grey skin and his heavy eyes, to his hair that almost seemed limp. Lily was sure he hadn't ruffled it all week.

She tried to focus on the book in front of her, but concentrating proved to be difficult. Perhaps trying to read a scientific dissertation on a Kappa's blood filtration was not the best choice when sitting across from a boy who made her head spin. She was only managing to pick up bits and pieces.

"How did you know Snape wasn't going to Disapparate?" James asked.

Lily looked up at him in surprise. It was the first time he'd spoken to her in at least two weeks, and he wanted to talk about Severus Snape. She leaned back in her chair and frowned.

"In the apothecary," he said. "You told me he wouldn't Disapparate, and he was the only one who didn't. How did you know?"

"He wanted to see the handling papers," Lily said. She crossed her arms over her chest. "If something is delicate enough to come with handling papers, there's no way you'd want to risk Apparating with it."

James tipped his head and nodded. "I guess not."

"Besides, he mentioned it was liver. Everyone knows Apparition is bad for your liver."

"Is it?" It seemed James wasn't everyone.

Lily hummed her assent and smiled. "What are you working on?" she asked him.

"Potions Essay. The one on the Wiggenweld Potion." When he saw Lily's stunned face, James sat back and ruffled his hair. "Yeah, I know. I'm way behind. If I don't catch up soon Slughorn is going to start failing me."

"I'm sort of surprised that he isn't failing you already." The essay had been due before the Christmas holidays.

"I'm a bit surprised as well. Not complaining, but surprised."

"Do you need any help?"

He paused, and then scrunched up his nose. "I do, actually. I've been stuck for the last half hour." Lily sat forward in her chair and grinned. "What I can't figure out," he said, "is why the Flobberworm mucus has to be added last. It seems like it should go in first to get a stronger reaction with the skink eyes."

"Flobberworm mucus has a stabilizing effect on all reptilian substances. You want to give the skink eyes a chance to break down fully before you add the mucus or you'll get an unpleasant side effect."

"What's that?"

"An electric charge in your derriere."

James snorted covered his mouth with his fist. "You're kidding, right?"

"Not at all. A lot of people got marked down for missing that."

"But you didn't."

Lily smiled. She'd been one of the very few to get full marks.

James dipped his quill in the ink and started adding to his essay, but Lily couldn't focus her attention back on the Kappa book. She was too pleased with herself for getting a normal, friendly kind of conversation out of James. While she stared at her book, trying to think of something else to talk to him about, a ridiculous idea popped into her head. Lily covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile. She drew her wand from her pocket and, when James wasn't looking, she waved her wand and tapped James' ink pot. It glowed pink for a moment and shuddered. She pocketed her wand, satisfied with herself. James needed an excuse to laugh.

It took several cautious glances before Lily saw James move to dip his quill. When he did, the inkpot wiggled away. Lily erupted in giggles. James' eyes widened and his mouth curved into a half smile. Holding his quill with a steady hand, he made another jab at the ink. It was too quick for him and began a little tap dance across the table. Another jab, and it danced back to where it had started, untouched. James was really smiling by then, and he glanced back and forth between Lily and the inkpot as he chased it around the table with his quill. At last he dropped the quill and laughed.

"What did you do?" he asked.

Lily lifted her head from her hands and pursed her lips, trying to control her laughter. Reaching over the table, she picked up James' quill and then touched her hand to her mouth and blew a kiss to the ink pot. It swivelled once in place and stood still. She dipped the quill and handed it to James. He took it from her and examined it for a moment before he chuckled and shook his head. He must have thought she removed the spell, because he tried to dip the quill again, but the pot just danced away. James sat back and ruffled his hair.

"What did you do to my ink?"

Lily arranged her face into what she hoped was an innocent expression. "Well, I blew it a kiss," she said. "That seemed to work."

James groaned. "Lily, how am I supposed to load my quill?"

Lily shrugged and looked back at her book, grinning. She made a really amazing effort not to look at him, and when she at last gave in and took a peek, he was busy writing on his essay. She couldn't wait for his ink to run out.

Lily continued to sneak glances at James, and caught him sneaking glances right back. Judging by the way he was pursing his mouth, and by the twinkle in his eyes, Lily knew he was amused, and she was delighted to no end.

When his quill ran out, James held it out to Lily. She didn't take it. "Load it yourself."

"Come on." James' arm was still extended over the table, but Lily wasn't giving in. She shook her head and didn't bother trying to hide her smile. James looked around the library, over one shoulder, and then over the other, his mouth twitching. When he seemed satisfied that nobody was looking, he lifted his fingers to his lips, tapped, and blew at the inkpot. It swivelled once and stood still. James hurried to jab the quill into the ink. Across the table from him, Lily had dissolved into giggles and laid her head down in her arms over her book, taking deep breaths. She tilted her head to look at him, and saw James sitting back in his chair, smiling, watching her.

"You're going to fix it, right?" James said.

"Fix what?"

He smirked at her. "Okay, Evans. But don't think I won't get my own back. You may have just messed with the wrong ink."

"I don't know what you're talking about, James. It isn't my fault your ink pot is starving for affection."

James snorted and ruffled his hair. "You're one of a kind, you know that?"

Butterflies began a rampage through Lily's stomach, and heat rushed into her ears. That particular compliment had been well worth the effort to get it, and Lily intended to savour it. Some movement several tables over, however, drew Lily attention and her butterflies froze mid-flutter.

"Oh, no." Without thinking, Lily ducked underneath the table. She had just seen Richard coming around a bookcase. James looked down at her, where she was crouched by his knee, and his eyebrows drew together. "You haven't seen me, James. Please."

He glanced around the room and then sat up straight, so that Lily could no longer see his face. She could, however, see his shoes, and they were caked with mud. Trying not to get mud on her clothes, Lily curled up into a ball as Richard's very clean shoes drew closer to the table.

"Potter, you haven't seen Lily in here have you? You know, my _girlfriend_."

"Haven't seen her."

"Why are you reading this book upside down?" Richard said. The book scraped the table as it was picked up. "On second thought. Why are you reading it at all? The Kappa digestive system? What's there to know except that they drink human blood so it's best to stay away from them?"

"If you read these volumes upside down there's a whole series of mythological stories translated from ancient Kappa," James told him. "It's in code. Fascinating stuff."

Lily could hear pages flipping and she bit back a giggle. Without a doubt, Richard would be taking a volume back to his dormitory to do a little code-breaking that night. The book thumped back onto the tabletop.

"You know," Richard said, "over the holidays, Lily came to my house for a day. Met my family and all that."

"Great."

"Of course, my little brothers caught us behind the rose garden after dinner. I had to pay them two galleons each not to tell Mum I was all the way up her skirt. It was worth it, though." Lily's jaw dropped when he said that – she couldn't quite believe her ears. Richard was twisting the truth, and at the expense of her reputation, too. If he hadn't begun to walk away at that moment, Lily might just have sprung right out and killed him. "Anyway," Richard said, "if you happen to see Lily, tell her I'm looking for her."

He was several meters away when Lily drew her wand and fired a trip jinx at him. He fell on his face in the middle of the aisle, blushed from the roots of his hair to the tips of his fingers, and then jumped to his feet and scurried away. For several moments after he was gone, Lily sat cross-legged on the floor under the table, seething. She was just too mad to move, and nausea was swirling up from her stomach.

When at last she dragged herself out of hiding, she found James staring at his parchment, quill poised to write, but not moving. She sank into her chair at watched him. He wouldn't look at her.

"James."

He grunted a little, but still didn't look up.

"What Richard just said…it wasn't true. I mean, his brothers really were going to say that to their mum, but we didn't…we didn't do anything like what he tried to suggest." James worked his jaw and rotated his quill between his fingers. "Not for lack of trying on his part," Lily added. "But still…"

James frowned a little deeper at that and he continued to twist his quill, letting it drip black splotches onto his essay. "Why did you hide?" he asked.

"I stood him up this morning and I hadn't made up an excuse yet." Lily rubbed at her eyes, trying not to cry. She was sick with disappointment and embarrassment. "I hope he's really mad, too. The pig."

_Author's Note: Lots and lots in this chapter! Please give me feedback. What do you think Lily ought to do to Richard? Any suggestons? Check out my live journal to chat about the story and get answers to your questions!_

_And FYI to anonymous flamers. I am an American. Sorry to dissappoint you. (I don't know why I'm even responding to that.)_


	13. Turnabout

Chapter Thirteen: Turnabout 

"I heard what you said about me to James in the library yesterday," Lily said. She twisted a brown leather glove in her hands as she walked. Her eyes were trained on the floor, but a quick glance told her that Richard was frowning, staring ahead.

"Look, whatever Potter told you – "

"I heard it myself. I was standing nearby."

They were walking through the unused corridor on the third floor, a place that had always been their favourite part of the castle when they wanted to be alone. It was late on Sunday evening, and the only illumination came from the few candles Richard had lit along the wall, and the dim glow of the waning moon shining through the empty classrooms.

Richard touched her arm to stop her. "I was looking for you."

"I needed some space." Lily smoothed the glove over her hand and rubbed a small ink stain on the first finger. She'd been working herself up to this conversation all day.

Richard stuffed his hands into his pockets and bowed his head. His mouth worked like he was chewing the inside of his cheek. "I didn't mean anything by it," he told her at last. "I'm sorry. Guys just talk like that sometimes. We all know we aren't serious."

"You really hurt me." Lily walked a few steps towards a stone bench and sat with her hands folded in her lap, the glove scrunched up between her palms.

"Why did you stand me up like that?" he asked. "You could have just told me you needed a break."

The tightness in Lily's chest was crushing her, but she had to do it. "I'm telling you that right now. I need a break."

"Wait a minute." Richard pulled his hands from his pockets and hurried across the corridor to sit beside her. "Are you trying to say you want to split up?"

"This isn't working, Richard."

Leaning forward, he cupped both of her hands together in his. "Over one inane comment I made?" He bent his head to catch her reluctant eye. "Lily, I said I'm sorry."

"I've been feeling uncomfortable for a while."

"We can work it out." He wore that look on his face; that look, so soft and gentle, that always managed to melt her resolve. But she was prepared for that look, and she squeezed the glove a little tighter in her palms.

"Yesterday helped me make up my mind," she said.

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend next week. How about you and I go together?" His thumbs caressed her hand and he leaned his face close to hers. "We'll take it easy, talk a lot, and figure things out."

She cast about in her mind for something to tell him. Anything that would help her to hold her ground. "I have other plans."

"Don't you think this is more important?"

"I'm going with Sirius Black." Lily blurted it out before she really thought though what she was saying, and she cringed when Richard stood and stepped away from her. His brows knitted together and she saw him blink several times as he stared at her and then looked away. "Please don't be angry," Lily whispered.

"You two have been seeing each other behind my back all along, haven't you?"

She shook her head. "It's not like that."

"My friends are always coming to me with rumours they pick up." He massaged the back of his neck and tuned away from her. "People would say they'd seen you two alone together – in the corridor, by the lake – but I would just dismiss them. I trusted you. But I was wrong, wasn't I."

"No, Richard." Lily twisted the glove again and stood, tears welling in her eyes.

"And then a couple of weeks ago I heard that a kid caught him with a girl in his dormitory." He spun to face her. "Was that you?"

"It's not what you're thinking."

"Let's lay it on the table then, shall we?" Crossing his arms over his chest, Richard looked Lily square in her eyes. "Have you ever cheated on me, Lily?"

"Yes." She just couldn't bring herself to lie to him again.

His eyes widened a little, just enough that Lily could see the pain she had caused as his last hope was dashed underfoot. Richard turned away from her and leaned his forehead against the wall while Lily cried, twisting the glove in her hands. The silence between them felt unbearable, suffocating.

"You were right." He rubbed the back of his neck and straightened up. "This isn't working." Richard wouldn't look her in the face.

Hours later, Lily lay curled up with Georgina amid the tear-stained sheets of her bed. They'd talked, cried, and wallowed in that particular misery which is exclusive to seventeen year old girls everywhere who have just broken up with a boy whom they felt a great deal for. Georgina had fallen asleep a little while before, but Lily lay awake, staring into the black nothingness of her curtained bed. It was as she lay there, listening to the soft sounds of Georgina's steady breathing, that Lily came to a painful conclusion: she was ashamed of herself. She had gone to meet Richard full of contempt for his behaviour. She had left him full of contempt for herself. All he had done was act like a boy. Lily, on the other hand, not only had been unfaithful to Richard, but in the end she had been unkind to him in every way, not even affording him the simple courtesy of the truth. He deserved better than that.

The following evening, Monday, Lily sat in the Gryffindor common room, scrunched up at one end of a big red sofa. Georgina was serving a detention with Professor McGonagall, having talked out of turn one too many times during the previous week and, without her friend to shield her, Lily had been driven out of the dormitory by far too many painful inquiries from her dorm mates. Her Potions text lay open in her lap, but she wasn't reading it. Her head was too full with visions of Richard's hurting face, his avoidance of her gaze throughout the day, curious looks from classmates, and, of course, her own burning shame.

A familiar voice said her name and Lily looked up to see James and Sirius ambling towards her. Sirius vaulted the back of the sofa, landing beside Lily with a forceful thump, smiling with glee. James walked around and sat on the floor in front of the sofa, on the bearskin rug.

Sirius stretched his arm around Lily's back. "I've never been so pleased," he said, "about having a bloke tell me off for stealing his girl."

Lily groaned and covered her face. Her mortification was now complete. "I'm sorry," she whispered through her fingers. "I'm really, really sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I don't either," he said, and squeezed her shoulder, "but I don't mind in the least. Want to find an empty classroom with me, for a good-night snog?" He winked, and Lily groaned again, pushing his arm off of her shoulders.

James sat in front of them with a calm, bemused look on his face, and Lily had the distinct impression that he was guarding his mind with care. She wondered what he thought about the circumstances, and was glad that she hadn't brought his name into the conversation with Richard – that would have been more embarrassing than she could bear.

"Just curious, hon," Sirius said, "but what exactly did you tell Bowman to set him off like that? I was a touch confused while he read me the riot act."

"I told him we were going to Hogsmeade next weekend," Lily said with a weak voice. "I wanted to get him off my back, and I didn't think you'd mind, but then it backfired and he got the wrong idea, and…ugh!" She covered her face again and dug her fingers into her eyes to stop a fresh wave of tears.

"I wish I could take you," he said. "That would be brilliant, but Sara's already agreed to go with me."

Lily looked up and forced a smile. "Good for you, Sirius. I knew she would come around eventually."

"Did you?" He lifted an eyebrow, curious, and Lily nodded.

"You're all she talks about in the dormitory. Sirius this, Sirius that. She's a bit obsessed, actually."

Sirius' grin broadened into a full smile. "Lily Evans, I love your big mouth." And with that, he grabbed her by the sides of her head and gave her a loud, wet kiss in the middle of her forehead. "And now you can tell Bowman I've kissed you, too."

Lily wiped her forehead with the back of her hand while her face flooded with heat. She couldn't help but cast a tentative glance at James, who was inspecting his shoelace.

"If you'll excuse me," Sirius said, "I see my sweetly obsessed Sara sitting on the other side of the room." He rose and strolled away, throwing Lily a wink over his shoulder as he went.

James looked up at last. "Sorry about him. He gets a little excited and doesn't think sometimes."

"I understand." Lily had the same problem. She flipped the unread page of her textbook and avoided James' eye, wishing that Sirius hadn't felt compelled to remind them of their untoward hospital room snog. She'd been trying to rid her mind of it ever since it had happened, but the memory of his touch kept floating to the forefront of her mind, insistent. She cast about for something to distract her, some change of subject that wouldn't be so embarrassing. It felt hopeless, though, and just when she was about to flee, James spoke up.

"Remus thinks that Georgina is mad at him." James said this in an off-hand way, as if just trying to redirect the conversation, but Lily suspected that he was really fishing for an explanation as well.

Lily pursed her mouth for a moment, debating what to tell him, knowing that it would be repeated to Remus right away. The fact was that Georgina was furious with Remus. He might as well know it for certain. "She is."

He seemed to have expected that answer. "How come?"

"Because he's started paying attention to her."

James lifted his chin as if he was going to nod, but paused and frowned. "Wait…what?"

Sometimes a girl had to wonder how it was that boys even survived. They acted like that had no intuition whatsoever. "He never paid any proper attention to her until she was with somebody else," Lily explained. "It's irritating."

"So he was a bit of an idiot," James said, returning his attention to his shoelace. "He's just hoping for another chance with her."

Shrugging, Lily turned another unread page in her book. "But it's too late."

James sat up a little straighter at that. "You're saying that since he blew it the first time he doesn't get another chance?"

"Why should he?"

"Maybe he's grown up a little bit."

"How is she supposed to know that?" Frowning a bit, Lily drew her book a bit closer on her lap.

"She could try paying a little more attention to him herself. Maybe she'll see he's not quite the idiot he used to be."

"She pays him a lot more attention than he probably realises."

"Does she really?" James said this with such earnestness and warmth, looking her in the eye and leaning forward some, that Lily felt the heat rise in to her face.

"Are we still talking about Remus?" she asked.

In an instant, James directed his attention back to his untied shoelace. "Who else?" Chipping a bit of mud from his shoe, James flicked it into the fire. "Is Georgina going to Hogsmeade with Parsons next weekend?" he asked.

"She is."

"Look. I don't know if you're doing anything, but you're welcome to go over with me and Remus if you like." James was avoiding her eye. "Sirius and Peter will both be off with dates, so we could use somebody to liven things up."

"That sounds nice."

At last James looked at her. His lips tightened and his Adam's apple bobbed once as he stared. "Do you mean you'll come?" His voice was a bit higher than normal, and Lily wanted to smile at his obvious surprise.

She shrugged and picked at the corner of her book. "I don't know how lively I'll be, but sure, if you still want me."

James stared at her for along moment, before he lowered his eyes again. "I do," he said, his voice soft.

What followed was a bit of an uncomfortable pause, at least on Lily's part. James' earnest reaction told her quite a lot more than he probably intended. It told her that perhaps he hadn't moved past that kiss they'd shared any more than she had. And Merlin knew she'd tried. They hadn't talked about it, of course. They hadn't even come close. Lily had remembered it though – many times. And now, not twenty four hours after breaking up with Richard, here she was planning a quasi date with James.

"Hey." Lily jumped a little when James spoke, drawing her out of her reverie. His eyes were still trained on his shoe. "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry about Bowman." He glanced up, but looked away again. "I mean, I can tell you're upset about it." James flicked another bit of mud from his shoe and into the fire. "He's an idiot to let you go."

"Thanks." Lily sucked hard on her teeth and smoothed a palm over page one hundred and thirty two of her text book. "It was time, really," she said. "I mean, it was good while it lasted, but it was time. Especially after that thing in the library. I knew after that."

Knowing something, however, understanding even, is not the same as feeling good about it. And Lily, knowing that breaking up with Richard was the best thing to do, couldn't help but feel rather miserable. He had been an important part of her life; she'd given so much of herself to him that, with him gone, she felt a suffocating void within herself, a void laced with failure and pain. But she had made the right choice. She had. She'd been telling herself so all day. It just didn't make her choice any less painful.

"But anyhow," Lily said, raising her voice in an attempt to sound cheerful, "I've got too much to do to worry about gits like Richard. Between NEWTS coming up and keeping the Prefects together, plus all the extra research I've been doing with Georgina…" Lily trailed off, realising that none of those things were going to balm her battered heart, nor would they soothe her conscience.

"How is that research coming?" James asked. "Did you ever find out anything useful about that liver that was stolen?"

Lily breathed a small sigh of relief. This was a much more comfortable topic of conversation, and she blessed James for his compassion. "Not enough," she told him. "Kappas' organs are well suited to Dark Magic, since Kappas drink human blood, but it isn't easy to find much information about that sort of thing without arousing suspicion." The dirty looks that Madam Pince had given her while she was nosing through the restricted section still gave Lily chills. "The purity seemed to be important, too, but we haven't found much on that."

Frowning, James ruffled his hair. "Purity is usually linked to really powerful sorts of potions, isn't it?"

"Not so much. The potions we found that called for a pure liver, were really innocuous stuff. Fat-trimming and fire-repelling and that sort of thing."

"Fire repelling? Seems like that could be used for something sinister."

"That one takes too long to make. You've got to ripen the fire for over a thousand years first, and it's protective rather than dangerous." She sighed and massaged her temples. "I feel like I've been going around in circles with this."

"Maybe it's less complicated than you think," James said.

Lily continued the tiny circles over her temples, wondering how in the world it could be less complicated. This was Voldemort, they were talking about. "What do you mean?"

"Sometimes I think that You-Know-Who just enjoys killing people. There doesn't have to be anything complicated about that. Maybe you're looking too hard and the answer is right under your nose."

"Maybe. Have you had any luck keeping an eye on Snape?"

"Nah. Whatever he was up to, his part is done. You haven't had anymore run-ins with him since the holidays, have you?"

She shook her head. "How about you?"

"Just the usual random hexing and that sort of thing," he told her. "Appearances have to be kept up." James forced a little smile. "He keeps making insinuations about what happened in Knockturn Alley, though. As if I need reminding."

"I'm sorry, James."

"It wouldn't be so bad, but on top of everything I lost my Invisibility Cloak somewhere along the way."

"Oh, but I still have it."

"You have it?" All of the sudden James was quite alert, and he sprang from the floor to sit beside her on the sofa.

Lily's eyes widened at his energy. "Well, yes. You left it with me."

James blew out a long breath, puffing out his cheeks and closing his eyes as he leaned against the armrest behind him. He slid his hands into his hair to massage his scalp for a moment, and when at last he opened his eyes, a relieved smile spread across his face. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. I thought for sure it was a goner."

"I'm sorry." Lily felt horrible. "I should have mentioned it before. It's just I wanted to fix it before I brought it back to you."

The smile faded from his face. "What's wrong with it?"

"It got ripped where Snape cursed me." She rubbed her arm, where she'd been injured. "I've been trying, but it doesn't want to mend easily." Wasn't that just the way things always went for her, though? She wanted to do something to help James, even if it was as small as mending his cloak, but no matter how hard she tried to help, she never seemed to do any good.

"It takes a long time is all," James told her. "You just have to keep at it and then, when you think it's never going to piece together, it just seems to fix itself."

Whenever Lily held the Invisibility cloak in her hands, it always seemed to move and flow as though alive. She had a killer mending spell, but it felt useless against the magical fabric. It occurred to Lily that the heart was much the same way. There was no magic cure for heartache either but, with constant attention, it seemed to mend on its own.

"I can fix it," James said. "You can bring it back whenever."

"I want to do it, if you don't mind." Meeting his eye, Lily grinned a tight lipped smile. James smiled a bit in return and nodded. He stood and stretched his arms over his head, scratching at the back of his head.

"I think I'm going to head upstairs for the night." Climbing to his feet, James picked up his bag from where he'd dropped it on the rug. "Oh, I almost forgot. I think this is yours." James pulled a Transfiguration book out of his bag and held it out to Lily. "You left it in the classroom."

"Thank you! I've been looking all over for that."

James smiled as she took it from him, and ruffled his hair one more time. "Night, Lily," he said, and made his way towards the door to the boys' dormitory, waving once before he disappeared into the staircase.

Lily turned her attention to the book, hoping that her notes from the morning's lesson were still tucked inside. When she opened the cover, however, a large belching sound issued from it, reverberating throughout the room. Lily face filled with heat as everyone in the common room snickered, turning to look at her. It was then that the boys' dormitory door opened again. James' smiling face leaned out to catch Lily's eye, and he winked once, before vanishing again into the staircase.

_Author's Note: Sorry it took so long, but I hope you like it!_


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